Many of you have been kind enough to comment (on the site and in emails) about this story.  I’ve heard the horror stories.  I’ve discussed with several readers the issues that this type of outreach (cold, impersonal email) creates.

But most of all, I think I’ve told the story the best way I know how and I’m ready to move on to more interesting topics.

I know that I promised that we’d hear from Legacy.com and TBO.com and Stowers Funeral Home, the firm which actually handled the arrangements for John Winter.

Here are my excuses for flaking out and not printing anything about those companies:

1.  Legacy.com hasn’t returned any detailed response.
2.  TBO.com has not responded.
3.  I decided not to contact Stowers Funeral Home as Ms. Blackburn did not contact a large number of guestbook signers and I didn’t want to put Stowers in the position of badmouthing their competition.

So I’m ending this story unless anything else substantial develops.  I have, however, formulated some conclusions based on this story and am ready to share them with you.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THE JOHN WINTER GUESTBOOK EMAIL:

1.  Email is, by it’s very nature, impersonal.  Because it doesn’t allow for the complexities of vocal or phsyical conversation, it prevents the receiver from understanding the full context of the message.  Since email hampers this understanding, the reader is forced to make decisions about intent and tone from only the words on the page.  As my friend, Kim Stacey, points out, email is best used for making appointments or confirming information.  Email is very bad for introductions, unless you’re really good at it.

2.  The internet has evolved into a place to read static information about an issue or a place to converse with others about topics of interest.  Web surfers have come to expect ads to be static (something they choose to click on and read) and conversations to remain commerce-free.  If I comment on a blog, I don’t lead (or, heck, even mention!) that I sell quilted cot covers for funeral homes.  Why?  Because my role as a blog-commenter is to add to the conversation, not stop it with a sales pitch.

3.  Grief is personal and different for each person.  While we can identify the stages of grief, everyone is different, and we must remember that there are no shortcuts when it comes to speaking to or helping someone in grief.

4.  Sometimes people don’t think their actions through.  When this happens, it’s often best to act graciously and gently tell the person of their mistake.  I should have done that with Ms. Blackburn at the beginning.  I hope my later email was much nicer than my first post about her here.

5.  Everything you do, every email you write, every phone call you answer and every personal interaction you have defines your brand.  And since your brand is how your community sees you, and your community decides whether you stay in business, making sure all those things are done in a pleasant and dignified way is important!

6.  The best way to market to people who are grieving is to take care of them.  They will remember that more fondly than you pushing your promotional materials on them.

7.  Online guestbooks are becoming quite popular.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming…