Michelle Carter, one of our “Be Our Guest” contributors just responded to the article, Don Shell Shares “A Monumental ‘Undertaking’?” by another one of our contributors. Here’s her response:
With all due respect, Mr. Shell, I think you may have misunderstood Mr. Lynch.
Yes, he rails against personalization, but that’s because so many funeral directors sell personalization like a commodity instead of making something personal. For example, my dad is a golfer. I can personalize his funeral by getting a casket with golf-themed corners. Or, I can make it personal by having his golfing buddies act as pall bearers. Which is more meaningful?
And I have to say I agree with Mr. Lynch that there is great value in allowing families to have the comfort of a ritual they’re familiar with at a difficult time. And they did show at least one direct cremation, so obviously not everyone followed the ritual Mr. Lynch likes so much.
If you watched any of the additional footage, or read the viewer comments on the PBS website, you’ll see many of the families talked about how comforted they were seeing their loved ones looking so peaceful and beautiful. I doubt anyone could say that Mrs. Verrino’s eulogy wasn’t heartfelt, meaningful, or healing. And I don’t think anyone expressed displeasure at how things were handled.
The fact is, that documentary only showed short glimpses of the visitations and funerals, so we really don’t have any idea how much of a family’s story was or was not told.
I think the important thing, for us as funeral directors, is to make sure that we are able to do whatever the family wishes. A family’s story should be able to be told regardless of whether the family chooses a full-service burial, a direct cremation, or a reception at a local restaurant.
Yes, more and more people are choosing non-traditional services, and we need to meet those needs. But we’re only harming ourselves if we disregard or rail against those families that want the traditional services they’re accustomed to.
A licensed funeral director, Michelle Carter is also a funeral consultant and grief counselor from Westchester County, New York.
Through her company, New York Center for Transition, she provides counseling for those who have recently been diagnosed with diseases, grief counseling for those who have experienced a death and funeral consulting to families in need.Michelle is working toward opening her own funeral home.
November 8, 2007 at 7:50 pm
Michelle,
Something that you may need to understand is that we here in Michigan have been listening to Mr. Lynch for a long long time. His words are indeed elequent and meaningful. They tell our story better than anyone else has up to this point. But his stories are one sided. Mr. Lynch tends to have a hard time blending anything new into the the traditions of the past. He seems to forget that “In The Garden” was probably once a new tune that the church elders didn’t like but the people in the pews loved. We need to honor traditions and respect change. Don is not bashing Mr. Lynch. He’s just saying that there is so much more that we should be doing. We need to figure out what it is that the people in the pews want and stop trying to sell them something WE think they ought to have.
November 8, 2007 at 10:14 pm
I am all for personalizing anyone’s funeral or memorial in good taste. But if anything Mr. Lynch was just good old fashion PR for this industry, if we agree with his style or not. If we just keep going back to the word Funeral “home”, then all the rest will fall into place. How do you treat guest that come into your home?
Most of the time families don’t know their wishes, so it is up to us to give them as many options as possible.