Ruth Bennett, of the People’s Memorial Association in Washington State, responds to our recent posts, Is The Funeral Consumer’s Alliance More “Predatory” Than the Funeral Industry Itself? and FCA’s Slocum and I (Hopefully) Have a Civilized Debate, with this comment:

As President of a nonprofit funeral cooperative, I know that we can provide a direct cremation for a family for $649. Other corporate owned funeral homes in the area charge from $1500 to $3500. Yes, we are a nonprofit, but that does not mean that we don’t need to cover our costs and provide a reserve, which we do, very well, at our significantly lower prices.

Too many, no all, but too many funeral homes guilt families into spending more than they can afford. If a family can afford to and wants to spend $25,000 on a funeral, then we support that decision, but to call that a “traditional” funeral and to make a family feel bad for not overspending is, at best, disingenious.

FCA and its affiliates provide truthful and useful information to families. Since when is that wrong?

Of course, Ms. Bennett, it’s not wrong to educate consumers.  I just wish you were telling them the truth.

You provide direct cremation for $649.  There are people in Florida who will do it for $399.  Why does your coop charge almost double for the same service?

Your own survey of 170 funeral homes (conducted in 2007) shows a range from $425 to $2800.  Why the $244 difference?

And how many cremations must you perform to cover your overhead?

I will never, ever begrudge a hardworking funeral professional the right to charge their own price in their own community.  And so I can’t really complain that you charge $649 to your members.

I would, however, be really upset if I was not a member of your organization and had to pay $150 more for a cremation.  (Link to pricing on the cooperative’s website)

How do you justify that big a difference, if it only costs $50 to become a member?  (Link to membership page)

(LONG PAUSE AS I ANSWER A TELEPHONE CALL)

Just got a phone call from a lawyer who’s clients are “1/2 to 3/4 FCA groups”.  I’m guessing he does some work for you, Ms. Bennett.  He was able to quickly quote how many members you have (100,000 according to his count).

Lawyer Bob (he wouldn’t share his last name or contact information and called from a “restricted” number) was pretty upset and started out the conversation by asking “what do you have against Joshua Slocum?”

He went on to share that Joshua does nothing but good work and that he gets knocked around a lot by the big, bad funeral industry.

Lawyer Bob also questioned my ability to read a tax return.  Turns out he’s also CPA Bob.

Then he got so upset that he told me he was going to make this topic a story in his client newsletter and that he was going to share this with his friends at the Pennsylvania Bar Assocation meeting for Eldercare lawyers, because whenever he gets an estate that’s been probated, the funeral home has ripped off the client by playing on their emotions and selling them things they don’t need because no one comes to their funerals.

He also pointed out that while there are only 22,000+ funerals in the U.S., there are hundreds of thousands of FCA members who clearly, in his mind, are going to win.

I reminded Bob that when each of those hundreds of thousands of members die, they’re not calling a CPA or lawyer at 2:00 AM to pick them up.  They’ll be calling a funeral director.

I’d be willing to bet my salary and Mr. Slocum’s almost $50,000 salary  that Lawyer/CPA Bob doesn’t get out of bed at 2 AM for anything close to what the average funeral director makes.

EDITOR’S NOTE:  The phrase “I’d be willing to bet” does not constitute an actual bet, which is illegal in my state (Florida).  Lawyer/CPA Bob just called to ask me if I’d actually bet him that amount.  Of course, when pressed for details about his experiences, he hung up.  I’m waiting for Lawyer/CPA Bob to share with me even one instance when he’s gotten out of bed at 2:00 am to help a grieving family.  I’d also like to see his own tax returns to compare his salary with industry standard for funeral professionals.