In response to our posts, Is The Funeral Consumer’s Alliance More “Predatory” Than the Funeral Industry Itself? and FCA’s Slocum and I (Hopefully) Have a Civilized Debate, New York State funeral director Michelle Carter writes:

Mr. Slocum wrote: “You may not like FCA’s message of consumer education and empowerment, but that does not give you the right to make untrue statements about how we operate.”

As a funeral director, I’m sure I’m not alone in wishing that our client families in general were better-educated about the funeral process and what their options are. A significant portion of every dealing with every family involves explaining all the options available to them so they can make the most informed decision possible.

Unfortunately, the number of families we deal with who have been misinformed and are confused about their options and costs seems to be growing, not shrinking. I blame part of this on the numerous websites and organizations like the FCA that make broad statements like, “Well, in most places you can do X, Y and Z…” but make no effort to provide information about specific statues. Every state has different laws and options vary significantly depending on where you are.

Like Tim, I also take exception with the FCA’s apparent belief that “low-cost” and “good” go hand in hand when it comes to funeral service. While that is sometimes true, it’s also true (as in every other industry) that you often get what you pay for.

If cost were the only thing people were concerned with, we’d probably all be driving around in Geo Metros. However, every individual and every family has different tastes, desires, and needs, and all of those things will influence how much they spend, and what they spend it on.

And I wonder why there is no mention in the FCA literature I’ve seen that the increases in funeral prices over the last 25 years have not kept pace with inflation. 25 years ago, funeral homes made around 11.5% profit on each funeral, according to American Funeral Director Magazine, compared to the roughly 6.12% in 2007. Expenses have grown 23% more than income has. By comparison, the average new home price has increased over 264% during that same period.

Mr. Slocum wrote, “If the worst elements of funeral service don’t reflect your business practices, why are you personally offended? Don’t you agree those elements should be exposed so honest businesspeople can separate themselves from scoundrels? You could do a lot more to help that cause by working with us than by snarking at a consumer charity.”

I agree with Tim on this point: in our capitalist society, the funeral homes or directors that take advantage of families, charge exorbitantly high prices or are otherwise bad will not stay in business that way for long. Word of mouth travels fast. However, when you’re part of an industry that gets slammed, of course you’re going to take offense. It’s the same as when good police officers, good mechanics, and good doctors are offended by those who paint them with the same brush as they paint the bad apples. It puts you in the position of being guilty until proven innocent.

But I’m also skeptical of the assertion that there are funeral directors who are giving extra discounts to members of the FCA. The funeral home’s expenses will remain the same, regardless of how much of a discount they offer. So are they making that up in overall higher prices? Are they charging non-member families more to make up for it? Is that fair?

I knew of a funeral director (no longer in business) whose GPL showed outlandishly high prices. However, he offered families a discount of 15-20% if they paid their bills before the day of the funeral. Personally, I’d rather work with someone whose pricing is straightforward and not so gimmicky.

As someone who sits on the board of a local charity, I also have issues with any organization that calls itself a charity, but spends so much of its income on overhead. The Red Cross has gotten flack for spending just $0.10 of every dollar on administrative costs, but it appears that for the FCA, that amount is significantly higher.

I think we can all agree that we want our consumer families to make the best, most well-informed decisions possible. The question is whether or not they are hearing all sides of the story.

Michelle Carter is the former owner of the Center For Transition, a grief counseling and funeral consulting company.  A licensed funeral director, Michelle is now the Assistant Manager of the E.O. Curry Funeral Home in Peekskill, NY.

A recent article, “Is the Future Really So Grim?” by Michelle Carter elicited a reasoned response from Dale Clock of the Life Story Network of funeral homes.  Here’s how Michelle responded to his remarks:

I agree with what you’ve said- it is going to be a challenge. I am a bit familiar with the Life Story network, and it seems as though our philosophies and the services we offer are quite similar.

As for the impact all of this work and innovation is having on funeral directors, I think we’re going to have to find a balance between what we’re willing and able to do on our own, what we can farm out, and what we’re simply not able to do.

Here in NY, it’s both a blessing and a curse that we’re not legally allowed to serve food or drinks in the funeral home. Organizing a reception for me usually just involves a few phone calls.

I served my residency at an independent firm that handled nearly 600 calls the year I was there. I was on call 6 days/week. I lost count of the number of 12+ hour days I put in, got called out in the middle of the night, only to get little sleep and do it all over again.

We were fortuante enough to have a phenomenal office staff who did a lot of the more time-consuming clerical work, like scanning photos for tributes, ordering supplies, etc.

Now I don’t have that luxury, and I think most of us are in the same boat. We really are going to have to weigh what services we’re willing to offer, can handle offering, and whether the return is worth it. While I may choose to promote certain offerings over others, my families are aware that we can accomodate most requests, or offer a reasonable or even better substiution.

Having to do more with less is a trend that isn’t unique to our industry. After all, we no longer get meals on airline flights, we check out our own items at the grocery store, and fewer social workers are handling a more extensive caseload, etc., etc.

There’s no reason funeral directors have to do more than we’re able or willing to do. If you can’t stand video tributes or hate making memorial candles, then don’t.

But if you don’t offer it, someone else will.

I attended visitation at another funeral home not long ago for a family friend. The deceased’s daughter-in-law had recently lost one of her parents, and she had a DVD tribute made at the funeral home local to her family.

When my family friend died, his family used that other funeral home to create a DVD for this man. Sure, it was less work for the funeral home handling the funeral, but it also meant less revenue. Even worse, when impressed mourners told the family they enjoyed watching the tribute (on a TV the family brought from home), the family members often replied, “Yes, we got it from XYZ Funeral Home, isn’t it great?”

I agree that we’re moving from a merchandise-based industry to an experience-based one but it’s not going to happen overnight. The only way to do it, however, is to do it, and let people see it and appreciate it.

After all, we didn’t move from home-based funerals to funeral home-based funerals overnight either. There were a few families who gave the funeral home a shot, and it was only from others seeing it done, that they concept began to spread.

So yes Dale, I’d say we’re in for quite a ride.

Dale Clock, of Clock Life Story Funeral Home in Michigan responds to Michelle Carter’s latest article “Is the Future Really So Grim?” 

Michelle:

You make some valid points.  The future isn’t that grim. But the future is going to be tough.  You are an independent funeral planner.  I’m guessing you don’t have much overhead but your car and a phone.  You take as much work as you can get but could always use more.  It’s easy to say “just do it’. Plan the fancy event, do the golf course, bring the favorite chair.  But the reality is it takes a lot of time and effort to do all of that.  It takes manpower, creativity and a whole different bunch of skill sets that most funeral directors don’t have.  It’s also a major challenge to do it day in and day out for firms of our size because “doing it” has to depend on a system and not just one person with a creative mind.  I agree that those kind of things need to be done but the hard part is transitioning to where we need to be from where we have been for so long a time.

I have 3 funeral homes in a Midwestern blue collar town, do 400 + calls a year, 7 vehicles, over 50,000 square feet of buildings ranging in age from 100 years old to 10, a staff of 20 plus people.  I have done receptions for 20 years (it’s good to do those but it’s not going to make you a ton of money).  Tried every casket show room setup there is.  I am now part of the Life Story Network which I really believe can transform funeral service.  And everyday is a struggle.  I have gone from 25% cremation to 50% cremation in 10 years.  I have trimmed my staff down to the bear minimum just to make ends meet while still trying to offer the latest and greatest that funeral service has to dish out.

My funeral directors are the best in the world.  They all have 20+ years experience and try their hardest to adapt to all the new stuff that I’m throwing at them.  The families absolutely gush over our Life Story experience and we all can see how meaningful it is to them.  But after days of typing in Life Story notes, scanning photo’s, burning DVD’s, printing color Life Story folders, downloading new music, setting up for receptions, cleaning up after the family spends a comfortable 2 hours in the reception center, putting cremains in jewelry, taking fingerprints for Thumbies, ordering customized urns from the 1000 choices in the catalogue…… in addititon to still doing all the other stuff we have always done like embalm bodies, dress and casket, meet with families, set up flowers, run visitations, conduct services , processions to the cemetery…. all most of us can do is collapse at home with an adult beverage and fall asleep in front of the TV.

It’s no wonder so many FD’s long for the old days when things were more routine and there weren’t so many options.  It’s not that we don’t want to do the new stuff.  It’s that we still have to do the old stuff in addition to the new stuff because we all serve such a broad range of people.  To do things right we almost need to split into two businesses; one that does things the old way and one that embraces the new stuff.  But at this time it seems impossible to separate things because there just isn’t enough volume or income.  It’s Catch 22…We need to do the new stuff to make money but we need more money to do the new stuff.

So the best we can do is hang in there while the funeral industry changes from a materialistic based income (casket, vaults and markers) to an emotional based income.  One where we get paid for helping preserve memories and creating experiences. And the sooner we can get the public to learn that there is value in those emotions. The sooner this will all happen.

Dale Clock
Clock Life Story Funeral Home

EDITOR’S NOTE:  When he submitted this letter, Dale was unaware that Michelle had recently taken a position as Assistant Manager of the E.O. Curry Funeral Home in Peekskill, NY.  She’s also sold her grief counseling center to focus on her work at the funeral home.

 It’s very easy to fall into the depressing mindset that the future of funeral service is grim, with more and more families choosing less expensive options, or forgoing funeral services all together. We see it in our own experiences, and it seems like its mentioned regularly in the trade publications. Sometimes we even overlook how many ‘traditional’ families we still serve, because of this preoccupation.
 
That’s why I was surprised when I watched part of a 3-part series on CBS’s Early Show called, “Funerals to Die For”. (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/02/25/earlyshow/series/main3872511.shtml)
 
The series profiles the many elaborate, unique, and often expensive ways individuals are choosing to honor their loved ones- and more often- themselves. It mentioned that the elusive Baby Boomer generation grew up watching the elaborate funerals of Princess Grace, President John F. Kennedy and even Princess Diana on TV, and more and more want a similar send-off themselves. After all, aren’t their lives just as interesting and worthy of a tribute?
 
When I first started watching this, my first thought was, “Wow, we couldn’t write a better commercial for ourselves if we tried.” But as I continued watching I realized I was stuck in the bad mindset I mentioned earlier. Not all clients are focused on direct cremations with no or little services. There is a huge segment of the population out there of people who want funerals as unique, flashy and individual as they themselves were in life.
 
It seems as though these individuals are using independent contractors like The Funeral Concierge (http://www.everestfuneral.com/trialoffer/) or the Memorial Space Flights (http://www.memorialspaceflights.com) because they are under the impression they can’t get the service they’re looking for at their local funeral home.
 
Why?
 
Are we not able to handle the needs of someone who wants a service on the 18th hole of his favorite golf course? Aren’t we equally capable of hosting a visitation with the deceased’s favorite easy chair sitting in the corner, and their favorite music playing in the background?
 
And realistically, is it always so difficult? I’ve dealt with plenty of at-need families who wanted a procession of classic cars or motorcycles for instance, and there was almost always an eager friend or family member who wanted to help make it happen.
 
We’d all do well to think critically about how we’re addressing the needs of these families.
 
In the movie Pretty Woman, there’s a scene in which Julia Roberts, dressed scantily, walks into a store with the intention of spending a lot of money, but can’t get service because of the judgements passed by the sales clerks. Later on, she returns to the store dressed to the nines and loaded down with shopping bags, to tell the clerks what a big mistake they just made.
 
When someone walks through our doors and asks for a cremation, do we assume they mean a direct? When someone makes a request for something a bit outside of the norm, is our gut reaction to say no, or probably not, before giving real thought as to what the request would involve?
 
We’re funeral directors. There should be no one else out there better prepared to handle the needs of the families who wants something unique or outside of the norm. We’re the experts. So let’s not open the door for someone else to step in and fill that need.

Michelle Carter is the former owner of the Center For Transition, a grief counseling and funeral consulting company.  A licensed funeral director, Michelle is now the Assistant Manager of the E.O. Curry Funeral Home in Peekskill, NY.

Michelle Carter discusses funeral home advertising and the ineffectiveness of running the same ads while expecting different results.

There are a certain group of funeral directors out there. This group are set in their ways. They use industry lingo in front of families, without thinking twice about the impact it might have to refer to someone’s father as a “removal”.
 
These same people also don’t think there’s any need to educate the community about who they are and what they do, because they assume everyone already knows. After all, the funeral home has been around for years. It’s the only thing in the community that hasn’t changed, right?

This mindset is the reason we create websites, radio spots or yellow page ads that are just like every other ad. Like many other businesses, these ads please only the business owner, only impress competitors, and do little to help you stand out from the crowd.
 
Now go to Amazon.com. Run a magazine search for funeral director. There are seven results. Of those, only three come with product photos. The longest product description belongs to American Funeral Director, which gives two sentences about how long it has been in print, and pointing out that it provides information on the funeral industry.
 
Now search magazines for the word funeral. Now you get 14 results, but the basic premise remains the same. Three magazines have photos, plus the yellowbook directory.  American Funeral Director and Funeral Director magazines are tied for longest descriptions: two sentences.  Like several of its competitors, Funeral Director Magazine repeats those two sentences later in the profile, so they serve as both the title and description.
 
Several titles have *no* description at all.
 
Now, I’d like to think I’m the target customer for many of these publications: a funeral professional who wants to keep up to date on what’s new in the industry, and who is looking to spend some money. What have any of these publications done to persuade me to purchase their product instead of another?
 
We can’t even promote a product to ourselves when there’s a built in market!
 
Now imagine yourself as a member of your community. You may be new to the area, or maybe you just haven’t kept close tabs on what’s what in the local funeral industry. Like most of the American public, you know little about the funeral industry, and even less about your local funeral home, because you don’t like to think about death. You like to think you’re immune to it.
 
 Now you suddenly find yourself in need of a funeral home. You open the yellow pages, or turn on the computer, in search of what to do next.
 
As a funeral professional, what are you doing to make yourself stand out?

A licensed funeral director, Michelle Carter is also a funeral consultant and grief counselor from Westchester County, New York.

Through her company, New York Center for Transition, she provides counseling for those who have recently been diagnosed with diseases, grief counseling for those who have experienced a death and funeral consulting to families in need.Michelle is working toward opening her own funeral home.

In response to my post, Tim Responds to “A Monumental ‘Undertaking’?”, Michelle Carter writes:

Clearly, many people- myself included- are uncomfortable with the Lynch family making arrangements from behind a desk. However, if you ignore that one aspect, what is the difference between the old and new, or small town and big city funerals?

Is it simply a matter of how personal they are? I can see each person’s point so far, but I don’t think traditional, personal, meaningful, and valuable funerals have to be mutually exclusive of each other.

No, Michelle, they don’t have to be mutually exclusive.  In fact, part of my comments were a warning to folks doing traditional funerals to find ways to stop the rush toward fast, cheap and dirty funerals by figuring out what people “really” want and giving it to them while they still see value in traditional funerals.

I think it’s too late for many parts of the country, including Central Florida, where I live.  Other areas are starting to see the rush toward direct cremation, since most folks don’t know that cremation can include viewing and services with the body present.

In fact, I should have made it more clear that Mr. Lynch speaks quite eloquently about the necessity of having the body present at any type of service that commemorates the deceased.  He asks whether a christening would work without the baby or a wedding without the betrothed.

So I guess my issue about “old-fashioned” funeral service is that it doesn’t anticipate the needs of today’s consumer.  And why do I think that?

Because I’ve talked with a lot of “old-fashioned” directors who are afraid - almost shaking-in-their-boots afraid - of the changing face of the industry.  They ask how they can keep their community from embracing cremation, because it means lower margins for them. 

Seldom do they ask WHY cremation equals lower margins.  If they did, I’d answer that the public knows cremation as “take grandma away and bring back an urn with her dust in it” and nothing else.

I should have pointed out that Mr. Lynch talks about cremation and how he directs his clients to view the disposition by fire. 

But do Mr. Lynch’s constituents predominantly choose burial because he’s so eloquent about the necessity for a body at the service, or because the community hasn’t yet begun “the change”?

It’s an interesting question and one I can’t answer with the information I have at my disposal.  I can say, however, that a funeral professional in Florida (2005 cremation rate:  48%) sees a different world than a funeral professional in Michigan (37%) or New York (24%).

Michelle Carter, one of our “Be Our Guest” contributors just responded to the article, Don Shell Shares “A Monumental ‘Undertaking’?” by another one of our contributors.  Here’s her response:

With all due respect, Mr. Shell, I think you may have misunderstood Mr. Lynch.

Yes, he rails against personalization, but that’s because so many funeral directors sell personalization like a commodity instead of making something personal. For example, my dad is a golfer. I can personalize his funeral by getting a casket with golf-themed corners. Or, I can make it personal by having his golfing buddies act as pall bearers. Which is more meaningful?

And I have to say I agree with Mr. Lynch that there is great value in allowing families to have the comfort of a ritual they’re familiar with at a difficult time. And they did show at least one direct cremation, so obviously not everyone followed the ritual Mr. Lynch likes so much.

If you watched any of the additional footage, or read the viewer comments on the PBS website, you’ll see many of the families talked about how comforted they were seeing their loved ones looking so peaceful and beautiful. I doubt anyone could say that Mrs. Verrino’s eulogy wasn’t heartfelt, meaningful, or healing. And I don’t think anyone expressed displeasure at how things were handled.

The fact is, that documentary only showed short glimpses of the visitations and funerals, so we really don’t have any idea how much of a family’s story was or was not told.

I think the important thing, for us as funeral directors, is to make sure that we are able to do whatever the family wishes. A family’s story should be able to be told regardless of whether the family chooses a full-service burial, a direct cremation, or a reception at a local restaurant.

Yes, more and more people are choosing non-traditional services, and we need to meet those needs. But we’re only harming ourselves if we disregard or rail against those families that want the traditional services they’re accustomed to.

A licensed funeral director, Michelle Carter is also a funeral consultant and grief counselor from Westchester County, New York.

Through her company, New York Center for Transition, she provides counseling for those who have recently been diagnosed with diseases, grief counseling for those who have experienced a death and funeral consulting to families in need.Michelle is working toward opening her own funeral home.

We’ve enjoyed some great articles from our newest guest columnist, Michelle Carter.  But it seems she’s not without her detractors.

An anonymous reader, who provided the email address blankname1000@yahoo.com and neglected to sign his/her remarks, left this comment for Ms. Carter: 

Great Michelle! Bravo as well. So I guess you missed the CE class where Debbie Orecki told us that even though you are a Funeral Director licensed by New York State, YOU CANNOT DO FUNERALS WITHOUT A BUSINESS REGISTRATION. Wait, sorry, I forgot you are only licensed since 2006. Let’s forget your stupidity for a minute and that you actually posted this information on the net that you operate sans registration, lets focus more on the idiot that rents a chapel to you AND assumes the liablity of your actions by putting his business’s name and registration number on a death certificate. Sweety, wait till you screw up one day with a family and they wanna make a complaint. Better yet, explain to this man’s insurance carrier who the hell you are when you go for a deposition at their lawyers office. Explain to Ms. Orecki that you offered them a laughing stick and see what she says, but let me know after the tears dry ok? Perhaps a freelance entrepreneur like this is the reason not only the volume is down with the so called “legitamate” funeral homes (oxymoron) and the genius funeral braintrust out there such as MFDA and NFDA can’t understand why, but thats also why Paul has to scramble around to find a cheap casket manufacturer and keep his vendors that has put up with this guy’s whims and idisyncrasies for years “honest”. Of course “honest” translates into “how cheap can you do it for” and that ranges from your trade embalmer to your livery man , right down to you buying tissues for the funeral home in wal mart.
So I guess by not giving a family a GPL, Statement of Goods and Services Selected, and Customer’s Designation of Intentions Form, thats doing them a service huh???? And you give them your cell phone number to call them in the middle of the night???? So if it goes to voice mail instead of an answering service and the body is in a house thats easing their comfort too huh??? Don’t you find it just a little embarassing to ask whoever front’s you the following: “I have a call, do you mind if I use the registration for the death certificate?” . Better yet, if a family refers someone to you (which aint happening), isn’t it a nice feeling when they hand someone who dosent know you your business card that you had made at Staples with your pager # attached to it? Actually, I shouldn’t make as much out of this as I have, you aren’t good for more than 3 calls anyway. I laugh how you have the same last name as another Funeral Home in the area where you operate. You wouldn’t be capitolizing on that especially because that said firm is a corporate affiliate would you?? Tsk Tsk Michelle. Not a good example.
Time to call Bakers Pride and price equipment for turning chapel A into a pizzeria and forget parasites and their crap like this.
Thomas Lynch, another beauty, happens to be right about associations keeping quiet. They are useless. Beyond useless to be honest. They keep quiet about Georgia and the whole Joe Nicelli thing because those same NFDA fat cats not only look at a family and ask for $4200 for a direct cremation, but put the body in a used air tray.

If anyone needs me i’ll be in the corner playing with my laughing stick singing cum by ya.

When contacted for comment, Michelle responded with the following: 

Well, who ever you are, commenter, you clearly must know me personally.  That surprises me, since I’ve had the good fortune of working with some wonderful individuals so far in my career.  If you have an issue, or feel like I’ve slighted you in some way, please contact me directly at Michelle dot Carter at gmail dot com, so we can resolve it professionally and privately.

In response to your comments, let me assure you that everything I do is well above board.  I’ve had several conversations with Ms. Orecki to be sure the I’s are dotted and the T’s are crossed.  I didn’t go into the minutia of how I operate for this guest blog, for the sake of brevity, and because I didn’t think it would interest Tim’s readers.  (For those readers not in New York, Deborah Orecki is the head of the Bureau of Funeral Directing, a division of the NYS Department of Health, which regulates the funeral industry.)

Technically, whichever funeral home the family chooses to work through is the one that ‘gets’ the call.  I work as an independent contractor or agent, much like your trade embalmer or part-time outside help.  At the end of the year, I file a 1099 just like they would.   My families do get a GPL, Statement of Goods and Services Selected, and Customer’s Designation of Intentions Form from the funeral home just like they would with any funeral.  It’s not much different from hiring someone on a temporary basis to keep an eye on things while you’re on vacation, or handle an out-of-town call for you.

It’s a win/win situation.  My families have me involved in the funeral process, creating the service they desire, and the funeral home gets revenue with substantially less work on their end.  I haven’t had any issues with it so far.  After all, the fact is that someone is going to handle that funeral.  Would you rather have that revenue yourself, or have it go to the guy down the street?

It’s also prudent to point out that grief counseling is not regulated by Ms. Orecki’s office, and one does not need a funeral home registration to provide those services.  Very few certified grief counselors are also funeral directors.

Yes, I do give clients my cell phone number, which rings to a redundant land line so there’s no chance of going to voicemail.  If a family calls me at 2 in the morning, they don’t tell an answering service their loved one died, they speak to me directly.  I don’t know of many other funeral directors who could say the same thing.

And yes, I do have the same last name as a pair of funeral homes in the area. I’ve actually found that to be more of a liability than an asset.  I have no desire to be affiliated with a large corporation, or to be perceived that way, and I make that very clear to anyone I come in contact with.   That said, I can’t change my name or my hometown, and I think most people are smart enough to make the distinction between the two.  It’s been more than a decade since anyone in my family has been affiliated with that firm, so I think people have caught on by now.   I should point out that all of my clients so far have chosen to work with the independent firms in the area.

And finally, in response to your comment about call volume going down:  There certainly are firms in this area that are handling fewer calls than they have in years past.  There are also firms who have experienced an up tick in call volume.  I would attribute this to two things.  First, a large segment of the population in this neck of the woods are relocating to the warmer climates of South Carolina, Florida, Arizona, etc., and subsequently dying there.  Second, I think consumers are more savvy these days. If they’re unhappy or not completely satisfied, I think they’re more willing to bring their business elsewhere these days than they were in years past.  I hardly think this is a situation that is unique to the Metro New York area.

Anyway, the point of my last post was that we, as an industry, are being given a great tool to help shape and change the public’s perceptions of who we are and what we do.  The documentary The Undertaking featuring Thomas Lynch airs tonight on PBS.  For it to have the impact it should, we need to work together.  It will benefit all of us.

And this is the part where I comment.

To my anonymous reader, I can only offer my sincere condolences on what has to be a pretty bad situation.  You are clearly perturbed about something.  Somehow I doubt you’d be so bold with your rude remarks in a more public setting or a place where your identity could not be so easily masked.

I’m not a fan of ad hominem attacks (the kind where a person’s name is attacked, rather than their actions) and I don’t allow them on the blog.  How do I do that?  By moderating comments and only allowing those that are relevant to the discussion.

So why did I print this one?  Because in between all the rude personal cutdowns is also an important question:  how can Michelle serve families without operating a funeral home.  I think she’s answered that sufficiently.  If anyone refutes her assertion that she operates within the law of New York State, please, let me know.

If you choose to comment on the blog, make sure you include your email address so I can converse with you.  I’d love to have a more accurate account of our anonymous reader’s issues with Michelle, but I can’t, because he/she chose to purposefully mask his/her identity.

I strongly support the rights of my readers to share their opinions, not only when the fit with what I or another columnist has written, but especially when they offer an opposing viewpoint.  Unfortunately, taking a rude tone, referring to the writer’s work as “stupidity” and demeaning a female writer by calling her “sweety” will lead me to believe that the complainer is actually the one with a defect.

 Perception is reality.

Tim has written often about we project our image to our communities.  It’s important, because like it or not, perception is reality.  If Ann Coulter, for instance, says something, and you’re offended by it, it doesn’t really matter if she intended to offend or not. Your perception that she says offensive things is what will stick.

That’s why we have to be so careful in public.  After all, if someone perceives me to a sloppy drunk, will they want me to care for their mom when that time comes?  If we drive around in dirty or dented cars, refuse donations to charity, or leave the lawn uncut, won’t that color how people think we do business?

But that’s also how my work as a funeral consultant has taken off so quickly.  What is a funeral consultant?  Basically, I’m a licensed funeral director, I just don’t have a registered funeral home.  So I can do anything any other funeral director can do, and I rent local funeral homes for the things I’m legally required to have one for.

How I’m branding myself is pretty simple.  I provide all of my services (I’m a certified grief counselor too) in my clients’ homes.  Because I’m not affiliated directly with any specific funeral home, families know the information I give them is not driven by a need to sell merchandise.  I also focus strongly on making a funeral personal.

Sometimes it’s the most simple act that makes the funeral personal and meaningful.  I directed the funeral for a local equestrian, and instead of a casket spray, we put his saddle over the casket.  It cost nothing extra, but was much more meaningful to the family than the generic horse merchandise I could have sold them.

Now, am I doing anything that any of the local funeral homes can’t do?  Of course not.  Am I doing anything that the local funeral homes aren’t already doing?  If you ask the families I’m serving, they’ll tell you yes.  Are they saving money by using me?  Probably not, but they see so much value in what I do that I’m often offered tips after the services are complete.

The fact is, if families perceive that I can save them money, or that I can provide a more personal service, it doesn’t matter if you can provide the same thing.  They already perceive that you don’t.

Likewise, if families believe that funeral prices are exorbitant, that funeral directors exist to rip them off, steal their pre-need funds, and bring their loved one to a crematory that may or may not actually cremate them, that belief will stick until you prove otherwise.  That’s no easy task.

At the New York convention, I had a conversation with the author and funeral director Thomas Lynch about this very topic.  He bemoaned the fact that there had been so many scandals that painted our industry in a bad light, and the associations- state, county and national- had largely kept silent on them.  What is so bad about standing up after the Georgia crematory disaster and saying, “This is wrong.  It should not have happened.  We’re going to do everything in our power to make sure it doesn’t happen again”?

Mr. Lynch is passionate about the future of our industry.  Throughout the years, he’s made many efforts to promote the industry in a positive light, and has been frustrated that they haven’t been seized upon.

The fact is, as an industry we need to make more of an effort to reverse the increasingly negative light that’s often shone on us, and make it a more positive one.  I think it’s our responsibility.

On Tuesday, October 30, a documentary about funerals and funeral service will be airing on PBS Frontline.  It will feature Mr. Lynch.  However, it won’t be a cold look at pricing, or about satisfying the morbid curiosity of viewers.  It’s a documentary about why entire families enter funeral service and pass it on from generation to generation.  It’s about the feelings families have when they’re preparing for a loved one’s death, and how they choose to grieve and move on. It’s powerful.

One of the beautiful things about PBS Frontline, is that all of their programming is available online, in its entirety, after it airs.  You can put it on a DVD and share it with your clients.  You can link to  it on your funeral home’s website.  You can use it as a tool to help change people’s perceptions of us and our industry long after it has appeared on television.

Mr. Lynch referred to it as “another soft ball” that he’s lobbed into center field in the hopes someone would run with it, even though they rarely do.

 Let’s make it a home run.

A licensed funeral director, Michelle Carter is also a funeral consultant and grief counselor from Westchester County, New York.

Through her company, New York Center for Transition, she provides counseling for those who have recently been diagnosed with diseases, grief counseling for those who have experienced a death and funeral consulting to families in need.

Michelle is working toward opening her own funeral home.

One of the recent discussions here in posts and comments has been negotiating lower prices from suppliers.  It all started with a guest post, Michelle Carter on “The Funeral Director Mindset”.  Several comments were added by our readers (and we appreciate comments!), including one I reposted as Jim Bauschke on “The Funeral Director Mindset”.

We’ve also received the following comments from our reader, Paul:

Bravo.  Yes, we should be thinking more outside of the box, and challenging our suppliers. Batesville is not the only game in town, and one should constantly be looking for better pricing.  As you stated, they seem to be scared to ask, or think it might cause a problem–who is the customer??  Companies like Dell and WalMart are great at playing the suppliers against each other to get the best price.  Granted we are not in the same position, but if we took those thoughts and mindset and applied them to our FH’s then maybe we could change the game.

I agree that what I call the ‘Flintstone funeral homes’ are going to blow away in the wind if they don’t see the change in the air.  I know, they will say (of course many do not even have computers, so it would be hard for them to read this) well, that new guy does not know what he is talking about.  Hmmm, I think because you are still using your business plan from 1890, might be a sign that things might not be so bright.

This is not meant to say all ‘traditional’ funeral homes are this way, but it is amazing as I talk with people like this how much they are the same.  Same small thinking, plenty of complaining and no one doing anything about it.  Why?  “Because the Wilbert guy or the Batesville guy is ‘my friend’ and have known him forever.”

–okay folks time to wake up–they really don’t care about you or your business.  Honestly, think about it–they care about their paycheck.  Well, that may not be bad, but WE should think about OUR paycheck also.

The ‘well it’s always been done that way’ thinking is what is killing them.  I say bravo to those standing up, and willing to dump their current suppliers for another.  The margins are shrinking, and FD’s need to wake up and shake the trees.

Okay off my soapbox…

I’ve been thinking about this for a few months now.  It started in earnest with an email question that I wrote about in Can You Negotiate SCI-Level Casket Discounts?

Then we had a response from Michael Manley on a Possible FBA Buying Collective.  In the post, he describes a buying collective for funeral professionals that he plans to get off the ground in the coming years.

But all of it comes back to a basic issue:  maximizing income and minimizing cost.

As a business owner, I wrestle with keeping my costs down.  I’ve sought out lower costs by buying materials in bulk, buying from traditional retail outlets during sales and using coupons and promotional codes on websites.

I’ve figured out how much it costs me to have my assistant handle bill collecting versus the fee I’d pay for accepting credit cards, which has lead me to put off having a full merchant account with a credit card processor.

We save every peice of fabric that is cut off of our wholecloth when creating one of our quilted mortuary cot covers and look for new uses.  Some scraps (big squares) have been stitched together to form the quilts I’ll give as gifts this Christmas.  (If you’re a member of my family, forget that you just read that or risk not being surprised!)

Many of the fabrics we use are wider than we need, so we cut off a strip.  Those strips (about 12″ wide) are the perfect size for our latest product (still under wraps!) that we created after looking at our materials and thinking “What can we make out of that?”

Of course, there are opportunities to save money that we don’t take.  We could get a cheaper version of the nylon lining fabric that we use in our covers (we call it the FluidBlocker) but we’d have to sacrifice some of the protective qualities, so I said “no.”

How does this affect the typical funeral professional?

You need to keep your eyes open.  There are always methods to save money, but they’re not all beneficial and some will actually negatively impact your standing in the community.

Want to be seen as a prestigious firm with community roots?  You can’t have a crappy hearse that’s ten years old.  On the other hand, a price-focused funeral home can’t be located in a large, expensive building in the swankest part of town.

How you spend money at your firm should reflect the image you want to project.  Caskets aren’t your image; they reflect the image your client family wants to protect.

And to be brutally honest, the family has no idea who makes the caskets you carry or how much you pay for them.  Casket manufacturers have done little to brand their identities with the public, so why should you worry about the name?

I see three strategies for firms trying to decide which caskets to carry:

1.  Meet with every possible casket rep. in your area.  Tell each of them that you’re picking a brand and will be taking into account the discount offered, showroom assistance provided and speed of delivery.  Pick the one who gives you the best deal and offers the most benefits.

2.  Order caskets from a lot of different makers and have them on your floor.  Or get corners or pictures from a bunch of different suppliers.  Let your families decide which caskets they want to buy.  You might find that families choose based upon color and features (”Oohh… it has butterflies embroidered in the lid!”) and not the manufacturer.  If so, find the best caskets you can at the lowest price and don’t worry about who makes it.

3.  Stick with what you’ve been doing.  What’s the most you’ll save per casket?  $50?  $100?  Don’t worry about the small percentage you might save and use your time to do some more P.R. in your community.

Having run a small firm, I can tell you that we employed each of these strategies at different times.  In fact, our “proprietary showroom”, with fancy cut corners and pictures, often played host to several inexpensive caskets from the local casket company.

If a cash-strapped family wanted the simplest casket possible, we’d ask them what color they wanted and order a 20-guage, non-gasketed unit from the nearest independent casket company.  Their prices were half of York or Batesville and their quality was less, but not one of those families complained.

In fact, each family was impressed that they could get such a “pretty casket” for so little money.

Sure, we funeral professionals love a pretty casket (I saw some beauties in Vegas), but most consumers don’t even know how to close a lid properly, let alone discuss the merits of swingbar handles, urn corners or stainless steel.

So do what’s best for your company.