Central embalming facilities (like those utilized by SCI or Stewart funeral home clusters) can really save a substantial amount of money by consolidating supplies, equipment and staff.

But they can also cost a lot of money, especially when an overworked or underpaid and inattentive staff-member mistakenly switches the ID tags on two bodies.

That’s what happened to an SCI firm in Stickney, Illinois, as detailed in this Chicago Tribune story.

SCI spokesperson, Jennifer Brandino, responded to the story, saying ”We continue to work with both families involved and are committed to resolving the issue to their satisfaction.”

When I worked for SCI, “resolving the issue to their satisfaction” usually meant paying money or refunding the cost of services.

It’s one of the pitfalls of running bigger operations where the person doing the embalming has never met the family or the deceased:  mistakes are made more often.

I wonder if the negative impact of this story can be dismissed because of all the money they saved by consolidating their embalming and preparation processes?

Editor’s Note:  This story is not an indictment of SCI or any other corporate firm.  If anything, I hope our corporate readers will consider that the way they’re consolidated brings different challenges than a smaller, family-run and family-sized operation.

Fredric Baur, of College Hill, Ohio, was such a fan of the Pringles can, that he asked his children to bury part of his cremains in a can next to an urn containing the rest.

His children complied, since Dr. Baur was the designer of the recognizable snack container.  He died on May 4 in College Hill at the age of 89.

You can learn more about this interesting man in his full Cincinnati Enquirer obituary.

Of course, this story makes me wonder about the nature of the containers we use in funeral service.  What rule says a family has to buy a traditional urn? 

Can we offer other alternatives that will spark a family’s interest?  How many families that would normally forego an urn would reconsider if you offered something different?

Take a look at your current shelf of urns and ask yourself:  How can I add variety to this selection?  What might catch my customer’s eye?

Jodi Clock of the Clock Life Story Funeral Home, responds to my thoughts in the post, Discount Selling and Full-Service Don’t Mix, by saying:

In my opinion I do agree that AA doesn’t know what it wants to be, however I do agree that there is room in the airlines and even with AA for a discount brand or version.Major hotel chains have proven that model Marriott, Courtyard and Fairfield for example. It seems AA’s debacle isn’t brand confusion it’s a cash issue combined with consumer panic. AA are desperately re-acting to gas prices, lack of customers and their bottom line. Sound familiar? How many funeral homes do we see panic and re-act to the competitor,rather than stay on course?

Photo courtesy of Flickr User smenzel

Jodi has a point:  many companies have discount portions of their brand.  However, most have found it necessary to separate their discounted brand.

TED is the discount version of United.  Instead of separate compartments, they have separate fleets.

Courtyard by Marriott is a lower priced version of the famed hotel chain.  But Courtyard’s rooms aren’t housed in Marriott hotels; they’re in separate facilities.

Anderson-McQueen operates their lower-priced Cremation Tribute Center separate from their funeral homes. 

Except at super-mega-dealer properties, General Motors separates their Cadillac and Chevrolet dealerships to reduce confusion between their luxury and discount brands.

And almost every company that offers full-price services and discount versions also keeps their marketing efforts separate.

Ads touting the luxury of the Waldorf Astoria Hotel will neglect to mention the great prices at Hampton Inn, even though both are part of the Hilton family of brands.

When typing your needs into the carfinder at the Lexus website, you will not find a single Toyota or Scion in the search results, even though all three belong to the same megacorporation.

If American Airlines wants to continue appealing to full-price and discount buyers, they’ll need to separate their disparate business models.

It seems to me that the only reason to charge discount fliers more to check a bag is to further alienate them so they will stop buying your product.

Why not simply stop selling to them?

American Airlines is working double-time to tell their discount passengers that they’re not welcome.  How?  They’re using the not-so-subtle additional charge for basic services.

Starting soon, AA is charging discount passengers a $15 fee to check their first bag.  This is on top of the $20 fee that most airlines are charging for a second checked bag.

Photo Courtesy of Flickr User deadeyebart 

And while the news reports about this new fee detail the billions in losses the airline industry faces because of rising oil costs and several leading publications have looked at the effect this will have on the already pathetic customer service record of the industry, few have made any reasonable suggestions for how to fix the real problem.

What is the real problem?

You can’t be both a full-service airline AND a discount airline.

American wants to keep their full-service clients (business class, full-fare coach, AA Rewards members, etc.) AND nickel and dime their discount fliers.

So why offer a discount rate at all?  Because they want to compete with the discount airlines (Jet Blue, TED, Spirit, etc.) on price.

But buying a ticket from a discount airline means you’ve accepted the discount philosophy and you’re shopping on price.  You know that you’ll pay extra for a meal and to rent headsets.  You understand that there will be certain limitations on things like baggage and onboard amenities.

So why does American even offer discount tickets?  Why don’t they just forget the discount rates and focus on the customers who are willing to pay more for a better experience?

Because they’re afraid.  If they charge a reasonable fee for their services (meaning raising fares to cover their fuel bills) they might lose a lot of customers, even if continuing on their current path means losing a lot of cash - they lost $330 million in the first quarter of 2008 alone! - and alienating customers.

Seems to me that they’re already on a path toward jettisoning true discount shoppers by seeing how much the quasi-discount fliers will put up with.

A quasi-discount flier is someone who logs onto Travelocity or Orbitz and finds the cheapest flight listed that meets their time/date requirements without considering other costs.

Except a simple review of the types of people who buy airline tickets will show that, while true-discount fliers will never convert to full-pay or luxury customers, some quasi-discount fliers DO transition to a higher-paying customer.

Why, then, charge a fee that will alienate true-discount fliers AND annoy the quasi-discounters?

Because American Airlines is thinking short-term.  Because they need a quick fix to staunch the stock price bleed.

Everyone agrees that solving such a bold problem ($330 MILLION is a BOLD problem) requires a bold solution.

Here’s mine: 

Bow out of the discount ticket wars.  Make your planes the best in the business, with complimentary everything on every flight.  Find real perks to give first class, business class and frequent fliers (a pillow is not a perk).

Launch an ad campaign touting that flying is part of the “American Dream” and that they can fly the same way folks did in the golden age of air travel.

Run 30-minute infomercials that show off the new “American” way to travel. 

Push “green” initiatives by offering tips on how to pack light and how fewer pounds per passenger helps save thousands of gallons of fuel everyday. 

Banners and billboards would ask people to “Rediscover what it means to be an AMERICAN.”

(I’d love to make part of each plane the no-children zone, but I can imagine the backlash that would create.)

Funeral homes know that it’s just too hard to offer a full-service experience and a discount price at the same time.  True discounters don’t knock on your door if you advertise full-service, and most full-service buyers don’t want to go to a discount firm. 

It’s about time that the airline industry figured it out.  Before we taxpayers have to spend hundreds of billions of dollars saving their skins.

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Once upon a time, the only folks who asked for a discount on their funeral bill were destitute people or those from cultures where haggling and bartering are more commonplace.

In fact, every Hindu funeral I ever helped arrange was negotiated by the family, even though they were often wealthy business owners driving expensive cars and living in upscale neighborhoods.  But we were never offended, as we understood that bargaining is a part of the way Hindu business owners in our part of the world (Central Florida) do things.

However, more and more Americans of all cultural backgrounds are being fed a constant diet of advice from financial consultants and personal finance writers who encourage their minions to demand discounts, since “it never hurts to ask.”

Personal finance writers claim that “paying full price” = “throwing money away.” 
PHOTO COURTESY OF FLICKR USER distinguish

At one time, the embarrassment of asking for a discount at such an emotional time would deter families from seeking a discount.  In turn, the tacit understanding that clients would not begrude a fair price, coupled with the honesty required by the profession (since most firms operate in small communities, dishonesty is usually sussed out quickly and the firm shunned by the potential clientele) meant that the price on the GPL reflected the costs required to keep the business running, with a tidy profit added to keep the owner comfortable.

Unfortunately, I’ve been hearing more and more reports from funeral directors who are getting counteroffered when they present the bill during an arrangement conference.  While some of these folks claim they have not prepared for a death (remember the days when Americans actually saved for the future and knew that they would die one day?), many are simply looking to save a few bucks because they’ve been told how deceitful and underhanded morticians are.

This selfish attention to “getting the best price at any cost” and the belief that a businessperson who expects a 4-8% return on their investment is a huckster, means that most funeral directors will have to build discounts into their GPLs, which will actually cause more pain for the consumer who doesn’t ask for a discount and doesn’t want to haggle.

Consider:  how many people LOVE going to a car dealership?  In my experience, few people do, because they know how the game works.  They have to fight and scratch to get the best price, for fear that they’ll be taken advantage of.

Add that unpleasant experience to an already-difficult time at a funeral home, and you have the perfect reason to skip the funeral home altogether.

In a post on Pub Def, titled Campaign Literature Looks Like Funeral Program, Antonio French discusses the campaign literature of St. Louis City Treasurer Larry Williams.  Mr. French shares:

“Who died?” asked one person who saw the piece on my desk.

While Mr. Williams is not, yet, dead, his campaign flier looks a whole lot like a standard “Homegoing Service” funeral program.

You can see the full campaign literature here.

In my last funeral job, we made a lot of these folders.  Families have specific ideas about the kind of service they want for their loved one, and many fixate on the “program” as a way to control at least something of the death process.

First as the printshop manager for a cluster of SCI funeral homes, then as the administrator of a family firm, I typed a lot of service orders and soloists’ names and pallbearer lists.  I’ve listened as three family members argued the finer points of font selection, mediated a brawl over the use of grandpa’s nickname and fallen asleep as a retired schoolteacher reviewed, red pen in hand, the seventh draft of her husband’s funeral program.

What is it about a printout of a loved one’s vital statistics that means so much to us, as humans?

I’ve met several men who carry 20 year old prayer cards from their fathers’ services in their wallets.  I helped one young woman place a memorial folder from her mother’s funeral into a shadow box filled with other beloved items.  I’ve laminated more prayer cards than I care to discuss and I have probably folded (by hand) more than 100,000 funeral programs/memorial folders.

Editor’s note:  While my high-tech printshop had a folding machine, I spent five years hand-folding programs for a family firm.  If you figure 100 services a year with an average of 200 folders for each funeral, you get at least 100,000.

I think a printed service item can sometimes take on the features of a talisman.  Dictionary.com defines a talisman as “anything whose presence exercises a remarkable or powerful influence on human feelings or actions.”

Which may explain why someone was able to recognize the format of the City Treasurer’s campaign literature as “funeral program-like.”

And it also helps us understand why a mistake in the funeral program can often lead to bruised feelings or outright anger and resentment.

Angry (on black) by Flickr user Onkel_Wart

I once suffered the blind rage of woman who could not believe that we had spelled her husband’s brother’s name wrong in the printed service program.  She fumed, she ranted and she cried.  And that was just when we handed the program to her to review before we printed it.

I figured out then that families who complain about service details are often taking their pain and sorrow out on the staff of the funeral home.  Being bitterly angry at death is an appropriate emotional response, but you can’t attack death; without a physical presence, death becomes an unreachable abstract.

But the funeral home worker accompanied death, or so it seems, and he’s reachable.  The verbally abusive families seem to think:

We can belittle and humiliate him and force him to pay for the horrible pain his arrival (hey, we’re only here because grandpa died) has caused.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that all families act this way.  Most families are kind and appreciate the hard work done by funeral professionals.

But when you assist that man who is so angry and confused about his son’s death, try to understand that the hateful words, bullying attitude and rude actions are part of his terrible, terrible grief.

That’s how I made it through those situations.

It’s also why I hate making funeral programs, prayer cards and memorial folders.

What is good sportsmanship?  A recent ESPN article, titled Central Washington offers the ultimate act of sportsmanship, suggests it’s when you honor your opponent by lending a hand when they’ve earned a victory, a run or a touchdown against you.  (You really need to read the article; it’ll make you glad to be human.)

So how can I exhibit “good sportsmanship” in my daily life and in my business?

First, I acknowledge that each of my business competitors are honorable people who are just as passionate about their businesses as I am about mine.  Second, when someone asks me about a product that is clearly something that either Ron at Quilted First-Call Covers or Marty at Last Quilt offer that I don’t, I point it out to the customer.

A recent conversation with a customer went like this:

CUSTOMER:  I know we’ve gotten covers from you before.

ME:  Let me look in my files.

CUSTOMER:  Thanks.

ME:  Actually, it looks like you’ve never ordered from us.

CUSTOMER:  Really?

ME:  Is it possible that you ordered from Marty at Last Quilt or Ron at Quilted First-Call?

CUSTOMER:  That’s right!  We got them from that guy in North Carolina.

Interestingly, after checking out the competitor’s website, they called back and ordered because, they said “your stuff just looks better.”

Another conversation was about veteran-themed covers:

CUSTOMER:  The cot cover patterns on your website look great.  But don’t you have one that looks like the American flag?

ME:  We have the Old Glory cover, which is blue with gold stars on it.

CUSTOMER:  No, I mean one that has red and white stripes and a blue area with stars.

ME:  You’re thinking of our competitor, Quilted First-Call Covers.  We’ve opted to make a cover that suggests the flag without imitating it, as a way to honor those who fought for the American flag and in keeping with the Flag Code.

CUSTOMER:  Oh.

ME:  But if you really want one that looks a whole lot like the flag, you should check out their website at www.quiltedfirst-callcovers.net.

At other times, I’ve made a point to share the great products offered by another company.  Marty at Last Quilt makes a really great dressing table skirt.  She’s even got a patent pending on it!

And at just $195, she’s making it for much less than I could.  So if someone asks me for a drape, I send them to her!

At the end of the day, I know that we sell the best cot cover available.  Our lining is superior and our myriad styles offer a design for almost every taste.  Our darker patterns mean our covers show less dirt and require fewer cleanings which reduce material wear and mean longer useable lifespans.

On the financial front, our covers are a lot less expensive than the un-lined quilts sold by Last Quilt and in line with the pricing of Quilted First-Call.  In fact, our BASIC model cover, which has a standard FluidBlocker lining, is $10 cheaper than their regular cover with the optional lining ($150 + $50 for liner).

And being a good sportsman means that I don’t get mad when a competitor copies us.  In fact, when Ron started offering optional nylon lining and a rudimentary pocket, I took it as verification that the planning that led us to offer them first was spot on.

And we’re still leading the way toward a world of more dignified removals by offering the best warranty and money-back guarantee in the business.

All in all, being good sports has reaped us huge benefits.  And it should help keep us around for a long time.

I’m busy tweaking our plan for world domination (the plan mainly consists of going to conventions, updating our website and running ads in industry magazines) and I wanted to share a very important secret with you:

Smart vendors offer really good deals to funeral directors who buy product at conventions.

At the 2007 NFDA Convention in Las Vegas, we offered 10% off all orders placed during the expo. 

While that might not sound terribly impressive, our typical order if for one DELUXE model cot cover.  Our normal charge is $225, so that’s a savings of $22.50.

As I explained to many of the male directors who visited the booth, “Your wife is probably off at the mall or a casino spending at least that much right now.”

Interestingly, the female funeral directors were easier to convince, as the product seems to make more sense to women.

And there’s little financial risk involved, since our covers come with a 90-day money back guarantee and our new, improved 1-year warranty.  Which means that even if you order from us at a convention and decide later that you don’t want it, we’ll return all your money!

Why do we offer such a big discount at conventions?

Because we want you to say “Yes, I’ll try a better cot cover that will bring more comfort to my families and provide better OSHA protection to my employees!” while you’re with us, when the excitement is high and you’re aware that there’s a better way.

If you wait until you get back home (or, to be honest, back at the casino bar!) you’ll get consumed with all the important stuff (seeing families, if you’re at home or Miller High Life if you’re at the bar) and forget all about the wonderful benefits of our quilted mortuary cot covers with the revolutionary FluidBlocker lining.

Of course, if you see other great deals at a convention, make sure the vendor offers some type of guarantee before you buy.  You’ll want to know if you can return that pallet of pet urns within 60 days if you can’t find any buyers!

Sometimes, we just have to make things better for our customers.

That’s why we’ve improved our 1-year warranty to cover not just our own foibles (problems with manufacture or materials) but also accidental tears and damage by our customers.

Actually, the real reason we’re covering so much more is that our products are so well-made and our customers are so careful with their beautiful new covers that we seldom get a warranty call.

And when we do get a call, the last thing we want to tell someone who’s spent hundreds of dollars is “sorry, but that damage is your own fault.”

So we’re covering it all.  If you accidentally damage the cover that has been so effective for your firm, we don’t want you to go back to a $100 fake fur piece of junk cover.  Call us and we’ll fix the one you’ve got.

Photo by Flickr user kcdsTM    (some rights reserved)

Back when I worked in a funeral home full-time, I saw too many gun deaths, mostly for young people.

And while many were self-inflicted or accidental, a majority were the result of jealousy, gang activity or drug dealings. 

There was the 17-year old who was shot dead in front of his mother’s house while she made dinner inside.  Or the 20-year old found dead on a downtown sidewalk, the only witness unwilling to cooperate because the killer was a well-known local bad guy.  The little girl hit by stray bullets from a drive-by.  The elderly couple shot during a home invasion.  And so too many more.

Handling services for someone closely connected to the current gun culture often means bringing your funeral home and your staff into that culture for a time.

Case in point:  A Baltimore funeral turns deadly as 1 Killed By Gunplay Outside Funeral.

The news is filled with stories of Muslim funerals in Iraq and both Palestinian and Jewish funerals in Israel and the Gaza Strip that attract mass murderers who either fire into the mourning crowd or explode bombs to kill and injure even more people.

Funerals for gang leaders and drug dealers attract their friends and “business associates.”  And while they share the same grief any normal human would feel at such a difficult time, they’re different than typical funeral attendees because they often carry loaded handguns.

And while few directors would refuse to serve a family in this condition, it’s hard to handle these kind of services without worrying that someone at the funeral might reach for their 9mm instead of their handkerchief.