Guest Blogger


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Being a Funeral ‘Hero’
If you can’t save the day, at least save memories

The season premiere of my favorite show, Heroes, is on tonight.  Hopefully you’ll watch it.  Aside from being one of the best escapist thrills on television, the show succeeds by truly humanizing the superhuman, the way those popcorn comic book movies flooding the multiplex so rarely do.The Heroes writers weave a wide variety of real-world drama into an otherwise otherworldly good time, touching on everything from marital strife, to teenage angst, drug addiction and even death.  OK, that last one gets touched on quite a bit (and not always in an “open casket” kind of way, either), but in one episode last season, the subject provided an especially poignant moment.

“Death is what connects us all,” the über-hero, Peter Petrelli, compassionately explained to the daughter of his hospice patient.  “It’s what reminds us that life is so important, and why we need to be good to each other.”

Death is what connects us all.  That’s a sentiment most of us in the funeral profession would be hard-pressed to argue with, now wouldn’t it?  Death does connect us all, and more importantly, it’s what reminds us that we’re all connected.

OK, maybe that’s splitting hairs, but I don’t think so.  When someone dies, people are more affected than connected.  It was the person’s life, not death, which truly connected them.  The memories of the person, the shared experiences, the degrees of separation between people, are what keep them connected, as long as those memories are saved.

What do you, as funeral professionals, do to help save those memories?  At Life Story Funeral Homes®, our entire focus is remembering the life that was lived, and preserving those memories for future generations.

For example, what do you know about your grandparents?  Maybe you know them quite well.  But what about your great-grandparents?  You probably don’t know very much. Don’t you wish you did?  Wouldn’t you like to read their Life Story®? Of course you would.

What do you, as funeral directors, do to help save those stories?  Do you offer video slideshows, or “personalized” funerals, complete with Grandpa’s golf clubs?  Those are nice features to offer your client-families, but honestly, they only scratch the surface of who the person was.

No matter how “personal” you make the service, it is in itself a very two-dimensional event, which the people in the pews and chapel chairs interact with only passively, and fleetingly.  Death connects us all, but it’s our shared experiences – our memories – that keep us connected in life.

It’s up to you, the funeral professionals, to help people save those things that are dear to them.  It’s up to you to be the heroes when people need you most.

 Don Shell is a staff writer for Life Story Network®, a Portage, Michigan-based multimedia company serving 15 independently-owned funeral homes in the Midwest. For more information, visit http://www.lifestorynet.com/, or email Don at donshell@lifestorynet.com.

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The recent death of our beloved little Boston Terrier, Gromit, gave us the opportunity to experience pet cremation.  At first we wanted to bring her home and bury her in our back yard.  But as soon as our vet, Dr. Michael Marks, told us about the cremation service they offer, we were sold.  This was before we got her back and found out just how special she was treated.

Everyone dreads “picking up the ashes”.  As I already knew from previous human cremations, they aren’t really ashes at all – they are “cremains”, bits of bone and whatnot.  They sent Gromit out the day after her death (we put her to sleep in the late evening) and she was back the following day.

I called the vets office early afternoon to see if Gromie was back.  They assured me they would call as soon as she arrived.  Forty-five minutes later they called to let me know she was there.  I told my husband and son that I was going to pick up our girl.

When I arrived, I was already crying pretty well.  When I saw the presentation, I totally lost it.  She was in a pretty little cedar box with lock and keys, her name was on top, a paw print ribbon was tied to the hasp, the box was in a “doggie bag”, a small plastic shopping bag with paw prints all over.  There was a certificate of cremation from the crematorium, Lasting Paws, and a bookmark with a little silver heart that read “love”.

 I cried the whole way home, comforted that she was sitting beside me in the seat.  Once home, I opened her little box and there was a gold bag, tied, that smelled wonderful, and the box was lined with paw print paper.

I placed our Boston Terrier statue, Gromie’s cremains box and the scrapcard I created with favorite photos to remind me of her on the counter between our kitchen and living room.  She will get a permanent place of honor soon on top of an antique cabinet.

Our experience of the death of our much loved pet was awful, but the people involved from our vet, the emergency vet and the crematory made an incredible difference.  You could tell they each loved animals as much as we did and they honored her life in death.

Would your funeral home cause folks to rave about how great you are?  I can’t bring Gromit back but I’ve already told a dozen people about our experience.  Even those that also had a pet cremated have been shocked at how different their pet was presented to them.

And on that certificate that shows when Gromit Richter was cremated is something very special – her actual paw print.

The crematory that handled these arrangements has a website at www.lastingpaws.com.

We were served by Dr. Michael Marks and Dr. Steven Lewis, May Animal Hospital, Plant City, Florida and the Animal Emergency Clinic of Brandon in Brandon, Florida.

image002.jpgRobin Richter is a Human Resources Expert and an avid motorcycle enthusiast. 
The owner of several Boston Terriers, Robin is also a “rabid” fan of the breed.  
As a Creative Memories Consultant, she helps preserve memories through scrapbooking.  Visit her
Creative Memories website to see how this “Queen of the Scrappers” can help you.

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Michael Manley, publisher extraordinaire and frequent Final Embrace contributor responds to the recent question Can You Negotiate SCI-Level Casket Discounts? by describing a buying collective he’s already begun brainstorming:

This was an interesting post. I found it especially interesting because it won’t be long until I will make this very concept a reality, by forming a BUYING GROUP. Having been a “sales director” in a previous career with a large manufacturer in a 150 billion dollar/yr industry, I do believe this concept will work. The industry I previous worked was comprised of about 20% corporate owned business, and 80% independent.

In that industry, the independents had very little purchasing power, but in 2001 a “cooperative” formed, a Buying Group created, and it created an “equal playing field.” Maybe not 100% equal, but it was a big step in the right direction to give the little guy something they lacked- a collective voice and strength in numbers.

You mentioned that it may not be beneficial to the manufacturer, because they have no assurance that a member of the group won’t defect and go to another supplier. Two things on that point; first, the appeal or allure for a manufacturer is not to ensure that every member uses their product, it is to ensure that they have the ability to mass market to a large group of buyers (funeral directors) at one time. Also, a true buying group actually facilitates the transaction on behalf of the manufacturer, thus providing them a savings by streamlining the entire transactions. Most buying groups solicit, market, advertise, take orders, and invoice for the vendor. This streamlining of the sales process is the allure to the manufacturer, not the assurance that like SCI that once a deal is signed, it guarantees a certain amount of business. Not all buying groups operate exactly like this, but the opportunity and the advantages are numerous.

Now, you are right, it can be a daunting task to think of beginning a buying group. After all, how do you solicit both Manufacturer’s as members, and funeral director’s alike? How do you promote the group, and ensure that everyone has an equal opportunity to participate? In fact, you mentioned (IOGR). I have actually discussed this same concept with George Darte. The disadvantage they have, like any organization, is the marketing of the group to the entire industry, both supplier and funeral homes. They have members, but they ONLY have access to their members, unless they wanted to go outside of their members and promote the group.

Well guess what? I am actually deep into the process of beginning just such an opportunity. It won’t be long until you see, for lack of a better term, the FBA Buying Group. This whole idea was born out of something I realized a long time that FBA has given me; a distribution network of 17,500 funeral homes, crematories, and vendors. Unlike IOGR or NFDA, I don’t have an allegiance to just my members. Every independent funeral home and crematory gets my publication, so I can mass market the concept better than them.

I refer to this concept as the”Starbuck’s” principle. They didn’t invent this next concept, but they have done it as well as anyone. What is this principle? Not too long ago, Starbucks realized that they have 22 million individuals walking through their doors to purchase coffee or beverages each and every day. Twenty-Two Million consumers that they could sell anything to. It didn’t take them long with that market to realize that selling coffee may not provide them with the only opportunity to exploit this group. They soon began to moonlight as a CD retailer. They began selling pictures, cups, mugs, etc. CEO Howard Schultz has now gone and is doing what McDonalds and Burger King has done successfully for years. You soon will begin to see movies promoted on sleeves of Starbucks cups and on the Wi-Fi network.

Another example; I worked 10 years with UPS, my last 5 as a National Account Manager. So I have a fairly detailed working knowledge of UPS, and most probably don’t know that UPS business plan says that by 2012, over 50% of their revenue will come from their Logistics business (they set up distribtion channels for companies, handling everything from receipt of orders, order entry, warehousing, packaging, shipping, tracking, and reconciling statements for companies). They allow companies to outsource rather than do it themselves.

Point is, Funeral Business Advisor affords me very much the same opportunity. We have a captive audience of virtually every independent funeral home and crematory in the United States. We have relationships with over 100 vendors through the magazine. So with the distribution network in place, the next step is to organize my “cooperative.” It will be as simple as providing 2 very inexpensive products. One for the vendor, and one for the funeral director. Then for a very nominal fee ($99 per month for Vendor, and $19 per month for funeral director), we will do what we do best. Bring BUYERS and SELLERS together. The vendor package will include FBA advertising the Buying Group in each issue, forming the website with individual vendor pages that we will build and maintain for the vendor, being included in a twice annual “buying group” catalog, market them to over 17,500 readers, and numerous other benefits I can’t mention yet, all for less that $1200 per year. That is the cost of a 1/2 page color ad (1X) in most industry publications. The funeral home will receive a simple, but yet, important benefit. A minimum discount that each vendor will agree to offer the group. The will get a free annual subscription to Funeral Business Advisor, a free “buying group” catalog twice a year, private access to the website, full access to participating vendors, and a simple one-stop shopping mechanism for all of their purchasing needs. All for less that $120 per year, or amount they would save if they bought just one casket from our vendors.

Now, I agree this may not be on par to what SCI can bring to the table when they negotiate with Batesville, but interesting enough, I have a very good relationship with Joe Weigel, communications director with Batesville. And I have discussed this concept, and although he didn’t do back flips, he did say it was interesting concept and feels if done properly, would have a strong appeal.

Anyway, I am not an expert on buying groups, and i would be interested in your thoughts. Even though there may be challenges, I can’t help but believe our distribution network is our biggest asset. I value your advice, and we have always managed to have good conversation and exchanging of ideas. Waiting for feedback…

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Stop Selling Your Funeral Home and Start Selling You! 

You are your business.  Not your facility, not your furniture or the décor. 

Your business is you: your customer service skills, your ethics, and your ability to connect with those who come to you for assistance.  

So, let’s put everything else on the ‘back burner’ for a bit, and talk about you.  Let’s go back to the beginning, and ask:

“Why did you go into this field in the first place?” 

Many of you will answer that it was compassion, caring, and a desire to serve people in their time of deepest need.  Through the years you’ve honed your skills, and found an ethical business practice that helps you sleep well at night.  

So, stress those things.  Make yourself real, authentic, and you’ve made a powerful connection with your reader.

Kim Stacey, of marketingfuneralservices.com, has dedicated her career to supporting and empowering funeral service professionals by writing responsive advertising and informational copy. She can be reached most easily at kimstacey@sbcglobal.net, or 831-338-0220. Living in the small coastal town of Boulder Creek, California, she’s in the Pacific Time zone.

Turns out the guy who contacted me about buying ad space in later issues in exchange for giving Final Embrace a big splash in their NFDA Convention issue is actually from a real magazine.

The Funeral Business Advisor is a real publication with actual circulation numbers to back up their claims.

Of course, the articles I’ve read are solicited from industry folks who seem to have financial stake in the article they write, such as:

Noayr Machine and Supply President Jesse Wolf discusses proper embalming machine maintenance (they sell embalming machines)

Brent Durham writes about the profitability of those plastic memorial bracelets memorial “wristbands” (his company, Brass Reminders, makes them)

Gary Halonen of Roadside Memory encourages funeral directors to keep an eye out for innovative new products (like his Temporary Memorials)

Wally Snyder of S&S Cremation Urns writes an article titled “Learn About Urns and Profit.”

And that’s just articles from the most recent issue!

So maybe this magazine is written by the advertisers and paid for by the advertisers.  As long as you, the funeral professional, knows that, it should be fine.

I can’t wait to get my hands on a hard copy.  I’d like to experience the magazine the same way a funeral home owner in Peoria might.

And our friend Kim Stacey of Kim Stacey Publishing wrote a brilliant piece on funeralOne’s E-Aftercare program.  So the magazine can’t be all bad.

And who knows?  Maybe by comparison, my writing will be so compelling that folks will rush to my door to order my amazing quilted mortuary cot covers!

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Creating an Experience

Once upon a time I was the editor of a golf magazine, which was a pretty nice gig until 9/11, which, among far more serious repercussions, also sucked the air right out of the tourism industry, and my humble publication. But I learned some valuable lessons about experience marketing, which is what the best golf resorts do so well, and what most funeral homes could do better — create an experience.

I once wrote a story about a man named Joe Jemsek, who created a fantastic collection of golf in Chicago called Cog Hill, which is where the PGA Tour plays the Western Open every year. Joe was a pioneer in the industry, and a fascinating success story, having started as a caddy. Most people credited Joe with inventing the idea of the upscale public golf course, the “country club for a day” experience, during a time so dominated by private clubs. It was a brilliant idea, and today there are far more upscale public courses than there are private ones.

Joe’s business philosophy was simple: Give ’em what they want, and they’ll come back for more. And he did. He built four beautiful golf courses, and — gasp! — even put carpet in the pro shop. Everyone told him, “You can’t put carpet in the pro shop! The golfers’ spikes will wear it right out!” Joe just smiled knowingly and said, “Yes, and I hope they wear it out quick!”

Most of us don’t have to worry about people wearing golf spikes in our funeral homes (save for those “personalized” funerals), but we can take something from Joe’s lesson. It’s all about creating an experience, an experience people can’t get anywhere else. This is about more than good service, too, which is merely the price of admission (or at least, it should be). It’s about attentively — and intuitively — attending to your customers’ needs.

Quick, by a show of hands, how many of you allow food in your funeral homes?

Whether it’s shrimp cocktail at the funeral service, or delivered pizzas at the visitation, having some food served only adds to the experience. So if you don’t allow food, why not? Afraid they might spill on the carpet? Afraid that doesn’t fit the “traditional” funeral model?

That should be a good thing.

Like it or not, times are changing, and customers are demanding more from funeral service. They’re demanding the funeral experience be more about them, and less about the cars and caskets. And they’re demanding funeral providers put the “home” back in “funeral home.” That means comfortable seating, relaxed atmosphere, personal, meaningful funerals, and yes, even food.

It’s time to embrace this new model of funeral service, centered upon the life that was lived, and on preserving and sharing those memories with future generations. It’s time to offer your customers an experience, and an experience they can’t get anywhere else. Give them what they want, and what they need, and they’ll return the favor in the future.

In short, it’s time you let your customers have their cake — and eat it, too.

Don Shell is a staff writer for Life Story Network®, a Portage, Michigan-based multimedia company serving 15 independently-owned funeral homes in the Midwest. For more information, visit http://www.lifestorynet.com/, or email Don at donshell@lifestorynet.com.

I’ve lured so many great writers to the blog (Kim Stacey, Don Shell, etc.) that I’ve added separate links for each of their growing collections.

If you look at the categories to the right (choosing a category helps you find other articles that have been assigned or “tagged” with a theme) you’ll see links for the following writers:

Kim Stacey, funeral home copywriter and owner of Marketing Funeral Services
Don Shell, Lifestory Network writer
Robin Richter, HR Expert and “Queen of the Scrappers
Bryan Chandler, owner of Chandler Funeral Home and Cremation Service
Candace Craw-Goldman
, photographer and owner of In Repose
Deidre Blair, event planner and owner of Final Reflections

 Of course, we’re still looking for a “few good writers” who want to share their insights.

So drop us a line or comment hear if you’ve got something to contribute, a product to share with our readers or an interesting story to relate.

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Clear Writing = Clear Results 

Ours has become a visual culture.  Most people have hundreds of television channels streaming into their homes, but very few books, and often just a few magazines.  The written word has been left behind, in favor of exciting images and special effects.  The Internet has changed the way we use language too; muddying the written communication channel.  

If you write your own advertising or informational copy, always (and I mean always) have others read through it.  A second or third set of eyes can make all the difference.  

And, always remember that most people aren’t equipped to read complex information.

While more Americans are graduating from college, and more than ever are applying for admission, far fewer are leaving higher education with the skills needed to comprehend routine data, according to the federal study conducted by the National Center for Education Statistics.  

This means the old acronym, K.I.S.S. still applies: Keep It Simple…Sweetie!

And, that means, reviewing, editing, and rewriting – until a 10 year-old can understand everything on the page.

Kim Stacey, of marketingfuneralservices.com, has dedicated her career to supporting and empowering funeral service professionals by writing responsive advertising and informational copy. She can be reached most easily at kimstacey@sbcglobal.net, or 831-338-0220. Living in the small coastal town of Boulder Creek, California, she’s in the Pacific Time zone.

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A Survey – and a Gift!  

Well, it’s time I asked you all a favor. I’m looking to more fully understand ways you can use the services of a writer; I find that many funeral home and cemetery owners are not fully using the power of the written word, or recognize the usefulness of branding your company literature.  

I’m not talking about the standard brochures with your name and contact information printed on the back (or front); I’m talking about reaching into your value system, your perspective and your emotional center to create a series of informational and sales materials that are completely unique.  

My Web site records show that many people stop by, but fewer people take the time to contact me to discuss how I can help in building their business. I’m thinking that the site doesn’t provide all the information visitors need to take that next (crucial) step. Could you take a few minutes to visit the site, at http://www.marketingfuneralservices.com and then complete this feedback survey?  

You can find the survey at:  

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=o8tdAZr8EjEkhLjTOxa9fw_3d_3d 

Thank you so much! For those of you who leave your contact email, I’ll be sending you a small token of my appreciation; but if you want to complete the survey anonymously, that would be fine!

Kim Stacey, of marketingfuneralservices.com, has dedicated her career to supporting and empowering funeral service professionals by writing responsive advertising and informational copy. She can be reached most easily at kimstacey@sbcglobal.net, or 831-338-0220. Living in the small coastal town of Boulder Creek, California, she’s in the Pacific Time zone.

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Reaching Out to Clients in the Months Following the Funeral 

Communication with client families during these months is crucial to the continuity of your relationship – and the relative guarantee of repeat business. I always advise funeral homes I consult for to create a follow-up campaign, where direct mail messages are sent to the client family on a consistent basis.   

Many funeral homes use pre-written newsletters, full of useful tips, recipes, and pre-need information to serve this need. But, it is my opinion that the personal touch, a letter of appreciation and remembrance on the anniversaries of their loss – signed by the funeral director, and without any type of sales pitch at all – works well in conjunction with these informative newsletters.  

A contact schedule looks like this:  

Thank You note (handwritten): immediately upon completion of the services
One Month: check-in letter
Six Months: another check-in letter
One Year: a small gift (a candle is what I often suggest), with a note of remembrance

This four part series could be the key to keeping your establishment, and the loving kindness of your staff, top-of-mind with your client families.

Kim Stacey, of marketingfuneralservices.com, has dedicated her career to supporting and empowering funeral service professionals by writing responsive advertising and informational copy. She can be reached most easily at kimstacey@sbcglobal.net, or 831-338-0220. Living in the small coastal town of Boulder Creek, California, she’s in the Pacific Time zone.

My friend and reader, Deidre Blair, is no stranger to the funeral industry.

A widow at the age of 36, Deidre used her experience as the owner of Awesome Events, an event planning company, to plan her husband’s memorial services.

Held at the first hole of his favorite golf course at sunrise, Deidre’s husband was honored and memorialized by friends and family who drove golf carts to the service.

After a few months had passed and Deidre had some time to reflect, she noticed that few funerals were as personal and specialized as the one she was able to provide for her husband.

So she did some research, readied a new division of her company and prepared to launch Final Reflections to the general public. 

A few years ago, when Deidre was launching her new service, I got a call from her.  She wanted to bounce the idea off of someone in “the know.”  To be fair, I’d never met her and was a little wary of this “outsider” pumping me for details about how funeral professionals think and how the general public would relate to her service.

At the time, Deidre was planning to sell her event services directly to the consumer.  She thought she could work as a liaison between the family and the funeral home.

I shared my misgivings with her.  And I asked her to consider a few things:

People already have enough to do when it comes to planning a funeral in a few short days.

Most people have never hired an event or wedding planner.

Most people are already wary of the price for a funeral.  Add in a special event that might cost thousands and you’ve got huge sticker shock.

No funeral director wants to split his possible profit with an outsider.

Funeral directors don’t take well to being told they don’t know how to plan funeral events.

I can’t imagine any funeral director will want to recommend you to a potential family.

Deidre listened and still chose to sell her service directly to grieving families.  She had hopes that funeral directors would share her brochures with their clients.

I got a call from Deidre in May of 2007, updating me on her progress.  Turns out some of the things I said were true.  Others, not so much. 

But instead of giving up her plans, she altered them.  She figured that she needed some experience, so she went to work for SCI at their largest area location, learning how funeral homes (at least SCI) run funerals and how they interact with potential clients regarding special memorialization options.

She also found a few areas where her expertise would come in handy.

So she’s relaunched her service, this time making funeral homes her prospective clients.

Deidre Blair and Final Reflections now offer event planning advice (through her great blog) and provide turnkey systems for funeral directors who want to offer post-funeral receptions and specialized funeral services.

Check out Deidre’s blog here.  And if you’ve been thinking about offering receptions to your clients, give Deidre a call at 866-254-6691.  She’s got some great ideas and the skills to back them up.

(Editor’s note:  Deidre has graciously agreed to write some short articles for Final Embrace.  Look for those in the coming weeks!)

Why Your Employees Don’t Give Excellent Customer Service

Running a business can be hard enough without issues that come up among your staff.  No matter what type of business you own, how many employees work for you, or where employees are on the totem pole, it seems like there is always something getting in the way of providing excellent customer service.  Here are a few reasons why:

Your staff is disgruntled.  Policies that are not followed by everyone, including senior staff, management and owners, or are inconsistently managed.

You ignore some employees.  Every employee deserves to be treated with respect.  If you don’t see them on a regular basis because of how work areas and paths are laid out, make a special effort to visit the areas they work in.

You micromanage.  Trust them.  Give your employees the freedom to work on their projects and tasks without second guessing or looking over their shoulder.  Provide boundaries with clear instructions on what to do if they hit a wall.

You criticize or correct them in front of others.  Always have these conversations behind closed doors.

You don’t play by the rules.  Yes, you are the boss, but employees take your lead and rarely ever see a difference in each of you breaking the rules.  They don’t care that you are the owner and/or manager and on call 24/7.  They still see you doing something wrong.  To them, if you work there, you as an employee are governed by the same rules.

They don’t know the rules.  Whatever you do, don’t assume that everyone knows what the rules and policies are.  Be very clear by putting them in writing and requiring a signature to acknowledge receipt and understanding.  When situations come up that require verbal or written follow up, each person must be treated the same with the same consequences.

Happy employees give excellent customer service.  Unhappy ones don’t care.

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Robin Richter is a Human Resources Expert and an avid motorcycle enthusiast.  As a Creative Memories Consultant, she helps preserve memories through scrapbooking.  Visit her Creative Memories website to see how this “Queen of the Scrappers” can help you.

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My Aunt Tommie

Sitting in the velvet-cushioned pews lining the First United Methodist in Batesville, Arkansas last September, on the occasion of my Aunt Tommie’s funeral, I wasn’t sure what I felt most.

There was sadness, to be sure, at the passing of my beloved aunt, who spoke with a sweet, Southern voice and silky, soothing eloquence. There was admiration, for a lady who rose above the constraints of her era and gender to become an important figure in her community, even serving on the Board of Trustees of the town’s prestigious private college. And there was regret, for letting the day-to-day minutia of life to keep me from staying in better touch with her.

Then, in the middle of the most predictable, “traditional” funeral you can imagine, I felt something else: Surprise.

 There, in the little photocopied newspaper obituary I held, a 150-word summary that couldn’t begin to pay my aunt her due respects, sat a word I didn’t expect: valedictorian. I was surprised, not because my Aunt Tommie was her high school valedictorian; quite the contrary, in fact. I was surprised that I didn’t know this about a woman I’d known my entire life, a woman I’d visited every single summer for more than a decade in my youth, a woman who meant a great deal to me.

Valedictorian.

My mind wandered, not through the memories I had of her, but of all the things maybe I didn’t know about her, things that perhaps now, I never would. That realization saddened me even further, and it also made the funeral experience all the more trivial to me. Here was a beloved member of her community, a woman who led a remarkable life, a life that touched so many others, being eulogized by a minister she barely knew, as a soloist readied “Wind Beneath My Wings,” for the millionth time and the millionth funeral. Nothing special, nothing personal, and certainly nothing too meaningful.

The funeral home my family chose didn’t fail for lack of trying, however. They pulled out all the stops, trying to give my aunt a fitting ceremony. I counted at least six staff members on hand, in their matching “Men in Black” uniforms, serving as pallbearers, ushers, and … well, I guess that’s about it. Their coaches were spit-shined, I suppose, and the casket was pretty, if I remember it right (seems like it was cherry, but it was last fall, after all).

In short, it was the perfect “traditional” funeral — which is to say, perfectly forgettable, so unlike my aunt.

This isn’t about that industry buzzword, “personalization,” either, with its slideshows, memorabilia and casket corners. Isn’t it tragic that we have to “personalize” a funeral? Can you think of a more inherently personal event than a funeral? An event people will drive a thousand miles to attend? Of course you can’t. And yet, day after day, all across this country, we sit in those pews and chapel chairs listening to the same detached eulogies, singing the same tired songs, reading the same cursory obituaries. Only the name, the funeral home, and kind of casket changes.

What would I have done differently? Well, for starters, I would have celebrated my aunt’s life, not simply gathered for the occasion of her death. I would have shared things about her life that are important to remember, to save for her children and especially, her grandchildren, who are too young to really remember their grandmother. I would have shared her story in a lasting, meaningful way, with the people in the church and the generations to come.

Long after the mourners had filed out of the church that day, after the luncheon tables cleared, and after my aunt had been laid to rest next to her husband, my family huddled around a dinner table, talking. I prodded them for the stories from her youth, about her life before I knew it, and yes, about that little honor she received back in high school, all those years before. For a moment, the clouds of grief cleared for them, and they remembered my aunt for the person she was, their spirits suddenly buoyed by the memories they held so dear. This is what I came here for, I thought, to celebrate her life, not just gather because of her death.

As I drove the long road home the next day, I reflected on that life, and the stories of her we had shared around the table the night before. I began reflecting on her funeral, as well, for all the wrong reasons. She deserved more, I thought.

We all do.

 Don Shell is a staff writer for Life Story Network®, a Portage, Michigan-based multimedia company serving 15 independently-owned funeral homes in the Midwest. For more information, visit http://www.lifestorynet.com/, or email Don at donshell@lifestorynet.com.

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Writing Better Obituaries Gets to the Heart of the Matter — and the Person

The next time you sit down and pen an obituary for your local newspaper, think about this:

This may be the last thing ever written about this person.

What should it say? It should have all the requisites, of course, all the “vital statistics” and list of survivors. But a list of dates and names don’t tell the whole story. Tell us who they were.

Tell us why they will be missed. Even if it’s ever-so-briefly, ask their family to describe them as a person. What would their friends say about them? What will you remember best about them? Then convey that in their obituary.

 Something as simple as “Jim was a lifelong resident of Portage, Michigan, and an employee of Upjohn Corp. for 25 years. He was beloved by friends and family for his quick wit, booming laugh, and caring, thoughtful advice. He will be greatly missed.”

By adding just those 22 little words, we now have a clearer picture of who the man was. If you can’t tell the whole story, at least tell more than the beginning and end.

Don Shell is a staff writer for Life Story Network®, a Portage, Mich.-based multimedia company serving 15 privately-owned Life Story Funeral Homes® in Michigan. Contact him at donshell@lifestorynet.com. For more information about Life Story Network® and Life Story Funeral Homes®, visit www.lifestorynet.com.

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Learning Channels and Educating Your Prospects

It’s long been my belief that funeral service professionals must recognize the role of education in the process of persuasion.  Unlike many areas of consumer culture, the common person doesn’t know much about what it is you do; so naturally they feel inadequately prepared to make critical decisions, often under emotional duress.

Your role then, is that of a teacher.  And any good teacher knows that there are three major learning channels (and I’m not talking about cable television).  It is commonly held that:

 ·       37% of learning is kinesthetic, through moving, touching and doing.
·       29% of learning is visual, through pictures and images.
·       34% of learning is auditory, through sounds and words.

 

To effectively reach more of your target market, you need to creatively use all three channels, spread throughout your marketing strategies.

 

Kim Stacey, of marketingfuneralservices.com, has dedicated her career to supporting and empowering funeral service professionals by writing responsive advertising and informational copy. She can be reached most easily at kimstacey@sbcglobal.net, or 831-338-0220. Living in the small coastal town of Boulder Creek, California, she’s in the Pacific Time zone.

Memory is a strange beast.  Especially, it seems, during shock, or trauma.

 My brother was killed suddenly in 1989 and the images of the event and its aftermath run through my mind in a sort of slideshow or scrapbook.   Some memories are filled with moments of horror, others with kindness and tenderness.  At a time like this, some very small details seem to matter a great deal, perhaps more than one might imagine.

 Together my mom and dad and my husband and I decided on cremation for Randy and then a service to be held at the funeral home.  Snapshots of moments of those days will remain with me always.  The service ran smoothly and had some lovely moments, I remember that the funeral home did a good job taking care of us that day.

 But perhaps one of the hardest memories for me was many days later while our family was still sick with grief, when my dad brought home Randy’s remains.  He walked through the door and with utter sadness handed me a brown tin can.  “Here is your brother.”

 Now it had been decided already, primarily by me, to not purchase an urn of any kind from the funeral home or anywhere else, because as an artist and his sister, I wanted to create a special container for Randy’s remains, and I did do exactly that.

 But it was still quite disconcerting to be handed the tin can.  I guess it was better than a cardboard box, but this can seemed no better than the old tin coffee cans that held the bird seed or the mismatched nuts and bolts in the garage.

 I understand that funeral homes and crematoriums are businesses which by their very nature exist to make a profit for their owners.  So, no, I did not and would not expect a fancy, expensive container, especially since I know an urn sale was offered and also declined.  That did not make the vision of my brother’s remains in a “coffee can” any easier to accept.

 When dad came home with that ugly brown can, it was just one little detail of that horrible time, but it was also one more blow to my already broken heart and remains one of my clearest memories of the funeral home and that most terrible time of my life.

 What would have been nice is a container that, even if very inexpensive in material or construction, would have been more thoughtful.  The tin can could have still been used but maybe it could have been wrapped in a gossamer fabric, or the ashes perhaps put in a small velveteen bag?  A simple wooden box would have been acceptable, even paper can be elegant given enough thought.  It was the lack of thought that struck me.

This?  This is how my brother comes home for the very last time?

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Candace Craw-Goldman is a photographer, artist and mother of teenagers.   

Her website, Inrepose.com, offers elegant multimedia Online Memorials, services to help you record your Last Wishes, and a comprehensive, interactive information Resource Forum where one can learn about end-of-life issues. InRepose Blog and the Resource Forum offer a unique online community for learning and sharing.

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Why Funeral Homes Need Pictures of People in Their Advertising 

When I review Yellow page ads, I’m always stunned to see what images funeral establishments use to convey their message. 

All too often, it’s a photo of a sunset over the sea – meaning what? 

Perhaps it’s a photo of their facility; let me assure you, unless the viewer is an architect that image goes unappreciated.

So what does work best?

Remember, you’re connecting at a personal, heart level with the viewer of your Yellow Page ad.  So, the most effective image is a photo of people.  (This business is significantly people-oriented, isn’t it?)

If you and your staff are photogenic, then by all means, have a professional photographer come out and take your picture in a warm, welcoming room.  But, make sure you project warmth and approachability.

Don’t use a staff photo unless it draws the viewer in, and makes them feel safe, and comfortable enough to pick up the phone and call you.

Kim Stacey, of marketingfuneralservices.com, has dedicated her career to supporting and empowering funeral service professionals by writing responsive advertising and informational copy. She can be reached most easily at kimstacey@sbcglobal.net, or 831-338-0220. Living in the small coastal town of Boulder Creek, California, she’s in the Pacific Time zone.

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Bryan Chandler, owner of Chandler Funeral Home and Cremation Service in Ohio, has been a long time reader of Final Embrace.  In fact, his kind words about our podcasts got me started on the interviews and other features you’ll find today on our Podcast Page.

Bryan runs one of the “new breed” of funeral homes.  Not content to simply offer the same funeral service to every client, Bryan is constantly learning new techniques and improving on old ones.

In his first contribution to the BE OUR GUEST series, Bryan shows us how to make inexpensive memorial candles.  As a value-added free gift to a client family, a memorial candle can generate other sales and impress other members of your community.

Bryan’s got even more coming our way.  Look for more “On A Shoestring” features and other great articles that detail his experiences in the industry.  He’s also started his own blog, Chandler’s Corner, where he’ll share even more with his readers by “offering simple advice for funeral directors.”

The video above is a commercial Bryan made for his local news media.  And while the copy (the words being spoken) is not revolutionary, the staging of the commercial is, as it shows real people in the funeral home doing real things.  Too often, pictures and video used to advertise funeral homes are filled with nothing but empty rooms and empty chairs.  But an empty chair cannot sell “we take care of people” or “our services celebrate a person’s life” because people have a hard time imaging items or people in an empty space.

I’m preparing a longer article about this strange funeral home phenomenon, but until then, notice how Bryan’s commercial skillfully shows the steps to plan a funeral and the amenities his firm offers.

Thanks for joining us, Bryan.  Your perspective is invaluable. 

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If you’ve read a trade journal or visited a funeral convention lately you’ve probably seen Memorial Candles available at several price points. 

If you aren’t using these by now you should start today.  No, you should start yesterday! 

Several companies are offering these customizable candles.  Most cost around $12 to $40 a candle, but you’ll still have to do the customization.  And while the ones available commercially are nice quality and simple to use, I’m going to show you how to make your own on a Shoestring budget.

Purchase a case of candles from the Root Candle Company (ask to speak with Lorie).  These clear candles are special as they are thick walled so as not to melt the label we will use later. 

Next, purchase Avery Sticker Project Paper Labels from any office store or big box store.  All that’s left is your creativity use any program such as MS Word, MS Publisher or any of the other programs available.  I prefer The Print Shop 21 to create label for my funeral home.

I used to merge a background with the deceased picture in front but recently I have been just using photos of the deceased to create the entire label.  Once your creation is finished, print the label out on your color inkjet printer and attach to the candle. 

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I also add a small clear mailing label to the back that has the funeral home name and address on it, in case anyone forgets where they purchased the candle and to encourage reorders. 

Typically I set the first free candle on the register stand and light it during visitation.  I sell extra candles to the family for $10 a piece. 

After all costs, the Shoestring budget candle costs less than half what some companies are charging and everything is done in house, which I like. If you have any questions or would like me to forward you some templates feel free to contact me. 

 

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chandler.jpgBryan Chandler is the owner/operator of Chandler Funeral Home and Cremation Service in Caldwell, Ohio.  One of the “new breed” of funeral providers, Bryan serves up practical advice, gives away Shoestring Budget tips and offers simple advice for funeral directors on his blog at Chandler’s Corner.  Bryan can be reached at 740-732-1311.

 

Obsession 
“Obsession” Courtesy of Visual Artist Ann Spark

I’ve been (unsuccessfully) trying to slow the pace of this blog so I don’t get burnt out.

So far, it hasn’t worked.

My biggest concern is that I’ll run out of ideas.

Luckily, that hasn’t happened.  So far.

But we’re still actively seeking contributors.  In fact, whenever we find someone who’s willing to contribute their own perspective, I reward them with a contribution of my own.  For our “guest consumer” Candace Craw-Goldman of In Repose, I pen a new column called “Ask Our Funeral Professional.”

For our “guest copywriter” Kim Stacey, I slip one of her business cards and a copy of “5 Ways to Improve Your Yellow Page Ad” in each order for our quilted cot covers.  I also gently remind my readers that Kim offers free ad review consultations.  Call her at to get her opinion and some valuable advice that will improve your advertising.

Thomas Poolton of Colors of Honor got his print into our booth at the IFDF Convention by complimenting my writing (I’m a sucker for a nice review) and sending us a sample to display.

Don Shell of the Life Story Network (an amazing group of funeral homes) scored his bosses a free quilted mortuary cot cover by reminding us that funerals aren’t about the casket.  (Don, if you’re reading this, call me at 321-287-0628 to find out how to get that free cover.  I just need someone to pick out one of our georgeous patterns.)

And who’s to say that we couldn’t “scratch your back” if you decide to contribute to this great funeral resource?

Please, help me curb my addiction.  If I can get one contribution a day, I can cut my research and writing time to 23 hours a day!

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