In response to the post, Is The Funeral Consumer’s Alliance More “Predatory” Than the Funeral Industry Itself?, Executive Director of the Funeral Consumer’s Alliance, Joshua Slocum, commented like this:

You may not like FCA’s message of consumer education and empowerment, but that does not give you the right to make untrue statements about how we operate.

You wrote:

“Maybe that’s because his organization’s 2006 tax return shows a $28,000+ loss and almost $120,000 in salaries/benefits paid to employees and officers.”

Please return to our Form 990 for 2006 (the IRS’ equivalent of a tax return for nonprofit organizations) and you’ll see:

A. We paid $111,896.54 in wages and benefits to three employees (including me), not $120,000. I don’t see how anyone could say such wages are excessive.

B. There was no - zero - money paid to “officers.” Our Board of Directors serves without pay. It’s hard to see how you could have missed that, considering that on page 4 of our return, we note “officers and directors are
not paid.”

Funeral Consumers Alliance has existed for decades before I joined them, and will exist long after I’m gone. Formed in 1963, we are a federation of 100 nonprofit groups, run largely by volunteers, with a membership approaching 400,000. Our goals have always been to educate the public on their legal rights and options in
the funeral transaction and to ensure they know how to find ethical, reasonably priced funeral providers.

Of course the entire funeral industry isn’t corrupt. Our affiliated groups have found hundreds of upstanding funeral homes local to them who are willing to serve our members and the public at fair prices for quality service. By the same token, there are deep problems in the funeral industry that come together to make
the funeral transaction more difficult, more mysterious, and more costly than it needs to be for families. Accusing FCA of scaremongering isn’t going to change that reality, and it doesn’t make the problem any better.

We’d much rather work together with ethical, concerned members of funeral service who agree with us that ethical business practices should prevail in the industry, and who wish to rout the bad guys that give everyone else a bad name. If the worst elements of funeral service don’t reflect your business practices, why are you personally offended? Don’t you agree those elements should be exposed so honest businesspeople can separate themselves from scoundrels? You could do a lot more to help that cause by working with us than by snarking
at a consumer charity.

Joshua Slocum
Executive Director
Funeral Consumers Alliance
http://www.funerals.org
802-865-8300

Here’s my response:

To calculate the total salaries and benefits paid to employees and officers, I simply added the line items from their 2006 tax return.  Mr. Slocum claims that I overstated the amount by roughly $8000.  But then he reminds us that he only pays three employees, adding credence to my assertion that his group exists, at least partly, to collect enough money to pay his own salary.

Of course, you are correct, Mr. Slocum, that I missed the line that officers and directors are not paid.  Of course, as your title is “Executive Director,” how do you explain your own salary?  Maybe I just don’t understand what constitutes a “director.”

I could continue with the semantics (the first half of your response is just that) but my major problem with your organization contains two serious and substantive arguments:

1.  You seem to link “ethical” with “reasonably-priced” in your response (twice, in fact) and in the materials on your website, as if the two concepts must always go hand-in-hand.

However, the respected magazine Ethisphere ranked groups like BMW, American Express, Google, GE and Nike in their list of most ethical companies in the world.  How is it that a company that makes $80,000 luxury vehicles can be considered the most ethical car company in the world, if your thesis is to be accepted?  That’s not to mention $150 sneakers, Super Platinum Exclusive credit cards, the latest in jet engine technology or the high salaries paid television stars (G.E. owns NBC).

We live in a free society that embraces capitalism.  A funeral professional is welcome to charge any amount she chooses, so long as her community accepts it.  If the community disagrees, they choose a competitor or another disposition option, like cremation.

You’d like to see funeral directors offer lower prices (at their own financial peril) but do you also warn consumers not to pay too little?  Will you provide a guarantee to funeral directors that if they offer a lower price, you’ll discourage their clients from choosing a lower cost disposition option or going to a lower-priced competitor?

At what point is a businessperson (the funeral director) allowed to make a profit?

I get very defensive when anyone suggests that anyone “owes” them something, like lower prices for services rendered.  What if your members decide that your own price is too high?  Are you willing to give back a large portion of your salary, Mr. Slocum?

2.  Your own salary is paid by scare tactics.  You claim a membership of 400,000 but yet you pay the majority of your income to three people.  Then you work really hard to get scary, fear-filled headlines into the press. 

Newsweek’s online story could have been a positive discussion of the benefits of home funerals, but their discussion with you turned the article into another “big, bad funeral industry” expose, complete a few horror stories.  Even in your response to my comments, you mention only a “few hundred” funeral homes that your members have found that you consider ethical.  Then you claim that there are “deep problems” in the funeral industry without providing real examples.

Sir, nearly 2 million Americans die every year.  There are 20,000+ funeral homes serving those families.  If the problem is so widespread and people are being so mistreated, why are there not more news stories?  The local and national press loves a good sob story, hence the premise behind the Newsweek article.  If even 10% of all funerals were badly handled or the families horribly mistreated, there would be 200,000 stories each year and the FCA wouldn’t need to pay you to drum up fear.

Simply put, your claims ignore that consumers already control the industry.  When they choose a firm to handle their arrangements, they “vote” for that firm to exist.  Companies that abuse the public or charge outrageous prices don’t usually last.  The same is true for small-town funeral homes, which make up 90% of the industry.

Personally, I think it’s important for honest, trustworthy funeral directors (the vast, vast majority) to stand up for themselves and make sure the true story of funeral service is heard.

The blog, Thank You Note Wording, has some great tips for funeral thank you notes, such as:

Dear __________,

The picture you sent us of __________________ is wonderful. It reminds us of so many good times we have all shared. Thank you for sharing a part of her.

With love,

_______________

Why not write some examples for your own client families and give them out with each box of thank you notes you distribute?

It only takes a few minutes put these together (get your staff to suggest their own versions or work with a local hospice or grief support group) and will benefit your client families for years.

One warning:  make a master copy or keep the handout in a computer file so you can print or copy fresh, crisp versions each time you need more.  Handing out a grainy, distorted photocopy of a photocopy of a photocopy makes you look sloppy and unprofessional.

During a recent Google-rampage (where I search for news stories and blogs about the industry) I found a disturbing story, passed off as news. 

Read the story here:  ‘Predatory’ Funeral Industry Comes Under Fire

The headline itself made me take notice.  It reads like a real news story.  I expected to find that some congressional hearing had been scheduled or a lawmaker is calling for a review of the industry.

Now, we all know that anytime a politician wants to score some cheap publicity or distract from something else he/she has done wrong, aides pull out the list of industries that people don’t understand and start making crazy allegations.

But this ‘article’ is even worse, as it’s nothing more than fluff designed to look like an actual story.

From the Newser article:

The funeral industry preys on bereft customers, artificially raising prices and taking custody of bodies it has no right to handle, argues a watchdog group. The Funeral Consumers Alliance aims to push fair and environmentally friendly death-care practices, Newsweek reports. “Funeral corporations use predatory sales tactics and aggressive marketing to get people to spend on services they don’t need,” says the group’s director.

By invoking “Newsweek,” the article aims to sell it’s own validity.  The writer relies upon quotes and arguments from the “group’s director” without ever naming the director.  Even worse, the writer uses an old tactic:  stating a premise early (”preys on beret customers…”) while waiting until the end of a long indictment to offset it with a qualifier (”argues a watchdog group”).

Here’s the response I posted in the comment section of the story:

The alliance director (Joshua Slocum, though he is not named in the article) says “I want people to be shocked.”  

Maybe that’s because his organization’s 2006 tax return shows a $28,000+ loss and almost $120,000 in salaries/benefits paid to employees and officers.  

The same scrutiny applied to hardworking funeral directors should also be trained on a group that exists to create jobs for people who stir up public fear in order to generate more donations and membership fees, which then pay for higher salaries for the people who stir up public fear in order to keep the cycle going.  

The truth of the funeral industry is that while scarcely more than 10% of the funeral homes are owned by public companies (which are owned by stockholders), the vast majority of funeral homes are local companies run by people who get up at 2-in-the-morning to serve their neighbors during difficult times.  

Funeral directors aren’t nameless, faceless millionaires cackling while counting all the money made from your loved one’s death. They are the men and women who help you plan your loved one’s funeral. They’re the ones who answer the phone at midnight and miss their kids’ piano recitals to serve your family in a time of need.  

Of course, you should never pay more than you’re willing to spend for services, but that’s why there’s competition in the marketplace.  

Let’s stop pretending that Mr. Slocum has a monopoly on “righteousness” and “concern for the public.” His livelihood depends just as much on people having bad funeral experiences as a local funeral director’s livelihood depends upon good experiences.

Most of us read stories like this and shake our heads, hoping that the general public doesn’t fall for these trumped up reports.  I think that we’re being just a little bit foolish.  Mr. Slocum has nothing better to do with his time than stir up more unwarranted concern and fear, in an attempt to garner more memberships, sell more books (over 5300 publications sold in 2006) and solicit more donations which pay his salary.

The general public needs to know that there are tens of thousands of local, family-owned funeral homes that work hard every day (and night) to see to every detail at their time of need.  And the employees, managers and officers of just over 2000 corporately-owned firms are providing similar services.

The employees of the Funeral Consumer’s Alliance rely upon donations from scared individuals to pay their bills.  Funeral professionals rely upon satisfied and comforted neighbors to keep their families fed. 

One group peddles fear and scare tactics.  The other offers hope, comfort and peace-of-mind.

Which is more noble?

Here’s the link to the longer Newsweek story that quotes Mr. Slocum, with attribution:  A Serious Undertaking

eCoffins display at the 2007 NFDA Convention

Lots of talk in the media about “going green” and the ways that companies can reach out to the “green” market.

But what does it mean?

Yes, offering ECoffins is one good idea, and making sure that cremation is an alternative for your clients is another, but what happens when you don’t make sure that everything is green?  Here’s an example from the blog, Long Live the Village Green by W.S. Duke:

In this case, a cremation was decided upon, thus avoiding the toxic chemicals and the waste of resources that go into caskets. When I went to the funeral home to pick up the cremated remains, they were given to me in a large plastic container. Naturally, I was in no mood to object. I guess I was expecting a cardboard box, which would have been something much more environmentally friendly to put in the ground.

I’d suggest that any attempt to offer “Green services” be proceeded by a green evaluation by an expert.  How can you find a “green expert” or a guide to help you do it yourself?  Check out these resources:

EWS Green Business Consultants

Dori Merifield, Green Business Consultant

Joel Makower, Green Business Consultant

Green Home Guide

Green Business Guide from the U.S. Government

Green People (guide to green-friendly businesses and products)

Greening Your Business by the National Resources Defense Council

Greening Your Business:  A Primer for Small Companies by Greenbiz.com

50 Ways to Green Your Business by Fast Company

Photo courtesy of Flickr user pluckytree

I needed a wheelbarrow for a recent home improvement project (no, I’m not digging a storm cellar or a fall-out shelter) and I decided to try the discount store first.

I found a nice wheelbarrow for less than $40.  It was not pre-assembled, but really, how hard is it to assemble a wheelbarrow?

I picked up the barrow (I guess that’s what they call the actual scoop-shaped container), the two arms and a box containing the wheel, brackets and other parts.

The wheelbarrow was easy to assemble but I hadn’t counted on having to pump up the tire myself.

Here’s my quandry:  did the tire ship fully inflated, but lose air because of a leak, which would make the product faulty and eligible for return?  Or, do they ship the tires uninflated, to save shipping costs and weight, and simply neglected to tell me that I’d have to fill it up before I got home?

If there was some kind of written explanation on the outside of the box, like “tire ships un-inflated”, I would have known to stop on the way home, saving myself a trip to the local inflation station (otherwise known as the air/vacuum kiosk outside the nearest 7-11) and mitigating a whole lotta frustation and wasted hours when I could have been using my wheelbarrow to move stuff around my yard.

But then again, cheap products aren’t always well-designed or -thought out.

It’s one of the reasons that I constantly listen to our customers and ask new customers about their reaction to our quilted cot covers.  “Is the pocket easy to use?”  or “Are the care instructions written clearly enough?”

Hopefully, we keep making our products better and simplifying our explanations of how they work.

That way, we sell more of them (people like to buy what they can understand) and our customers like them better.

I watched the finals of the tennis world’s French Open last month and marvelled at the ease with which Rafael Nadal dispatched his opponent in straight sets (6-1, 6-3, 6-0).

In fact, he didn’t lose a set during the entire tournament.  He played his best and won big.

And his opponent was Roger Federer, who’s won the last five Wimbledon titles and has been called the best tennis player of his generation.  Others claim that Federer is close to being the best player ever.

Except, he can’t seem to beat Nadal on a clay court.

I’ve been thinking a lot about “being the best” lately.  Trying to choose advertising for upcoming magazines, deciding upon which fabric patterns need to be added or deleted from our offerings and planning for future product lines have all put pressure on me to figure what might make us “THE BEST COT COVER COMPANY” in the industry.

And then I had a small epiphany:  we don’t have to be THE best. 

Often, trying to be THE best ends in failure, as you realize that you don’t have the necessary tools, personality or funding to achieve the goal.  THE BEST is a lofty height to reach, and the path, in any field, is littered with the deflated egos of those who couldn’t make it.

But we all strive for THE BEST, because we’ve been told that’s the mark to aim for.

I’ve decided to aim lower.  I’ve got some good resources (tools, skills and cash) that may not be the best ever, but I know how to use them.  If I can figure out how to use what I have to make this company OUR best, we might just make a huge impact on this industry.

First, being OUR best is a goal I know we can achieve.  Second, using our resources to their greatest potential will yield unbelievable results for our small company. 

Think about it - while only one person, company or team can be THE best, being YOUR best is attainable. 

RELATED POST:
Stop Competing on Their Court

In between showings of our beautiful cot covers to attendees, I had time to chat with Ryan and Spencer from Hilltop.net about the nature of trade shows and how to grab the attention of passing funeral directors.

Ryan’s early pitch to passersby was “Do you have a website?” which occasionally yielded a “No,” providing an opening for him to talk about his easy-to-use and inexpensive web service.

Unfornately, everyone who answered “Yes” kept walking, as it was clear, at least to them, that he wasn’t offering anything they needed.

After discussing the “art of the pitch” with Ryan and Spencer, I suggested they look more closely at what their company really does.

Does Hilltop.net make great websites?  Sure.  But if I’ve already got a website, I don’t have a “I need a website” problem.

“But,” Ryan countered, “We make websites a lot easier.  With our software, you can upload obituaries to your site in seconds, without having to know any programming.”

“And you don’t have to resize photos,” Added Spencer.

So the problem that visitors might have isn’t “I need a website.”  It’s “My website is too hard to update and maintain.”

Ryan and Spencer decided to start asking variations of the questions “Do you have an easy-to-update website?” and “How fast can you add an obituary to your current website?” to more accurately focus their visitors on what their company really does.

As for our cot cover business, I learned from several of my new customers and those who chose not to buy that certain features of my covers are more desirable than others.

In fact, I got a lot of upturned noses and dismissive waves when I mentioned that the ULTRA model of our covers features a second pocket.  Turns out no one cares about another pocket.

I also tested my new “don’t contaminate your suit pocket” line on folks and found that it worked better than I had anticipated.  Here’s how the “contaminate” pitch goes:

And the DELUXE cover features this VersaPocket.  It’s got a compartment for paperwork, so you don’t have to shove the paperwork under the deceased’s feet anymore.  And this outside compartment is for gloves.  Now, you don’t want to leave those gloves at a family’s home, but you also don’t want to shove them in your pocket because they’re used gloves.  This pocket is made entirely from our FluidBlocker lining, which is impervious to fluids.  Why contaminate your pocket - I don’t know about you, but I only have this coat drycleaned once a month - when there’s such an easy, sanitary place right here on the cover.

And it worked!  Better than imagined.  And now it’s part of my aresenal.

Why is it so effective?

Because, like my pitch about our CleanEdge binding protecting the lower edge from dirt and my pitch about the soft yet protective features of the FluidBlocker lining, the VersaPocket’s compartments for gloves and paperwork solve a specific problem that many funeral professionals didn’t even realize they had.

To put this into a wider consumer perspective, imagine music before the iPod or other MP3 devices.  No one had a portability problem (the Walkman debuted in 1979) back then.  The iPod solved a problem few knew they had:  storage.  It seems like a huge issue now, but few people could carry all their music with their Walkman.  In fact, people often created mixtapes or carried a box of cassettes to expand their music selection.  Later, CD wallets boosted the number of albums that could be easily transported.

If you had been visiting a consumer electronics show in the late 90’s early 2000’s and been asked “do you have a portable music system” you’d have pointed to your Walkman or transistor radio and kept walking.

Why talk to a guy selling portable music systems when you don’t have a “portable music” problem?

Luckily for their bottom line, Apple and others didn’t sell early iPods or MP3 players as “portable music.”  They asked the question, “can you carry and access all your music instantly?”

Asking the right question translates into real money.

What else worked?  Well, we also got a lot of people into the booth by asking if they’d ever seen one of our new-style covers.  If they had, we asked if they’d seen them in person and then asked permission to show them the two reasons why our covers are so much better.

The most important point for us was getting guests into our booth to look at our covers.  Once we got them to agree to take a look at our product, we generated sales almost 1/3rd of the time.

Knowing the right question, related to a real problem your market experiences, can be the difference between profit and debt.  Choose your questions wisely.

First things first - my favorite part of this trip so far has been coasting down the hills of Tennessee and Kentucky and seeing the Prius’ info screen look like this:

The readout shows the blue power arrows pointing back toward the battery (meaning the the gas engine is off and the in-wheel generators are charging the battery) and the car is getting more than 99.9 miles per gallon.

We arrived in Louisville and headed right for the convention center.  We got most of the booth setup and headed out to the hotel. 

I booked a business hotel, Wingate by Wyndham, mostly because I knew I might need their business center (free photocopier, computer and printer use) and they offer free wired and wireless Internet access.  And the room is pretty huge:

After a bit of shopping (snack cakes to pass out at the show) we met Michael Manley from Funeral Business Advisor for dinner.

He had some great ideas and we’ll continue the discussion at our first vendor dinner on Tuesday evening after the show.

After dinner, we hit Wal-Mart and Lowes.  We were missing some simple items for the show:  cleaning wipes, an additional wire shelf and carpet.

That’s right, we hit the road for Kentucky without knowing what we’d use to cover the floor!

Luckily, Lowe’s had a remnant piece 12-feet wide and 14-feet long, marked down to just $42 because of a slight defect:  7 fist-sized holes caused by a forklift tine.

We still bought it, partly because I’m frugal, but mostly because my skill with a straight-edge, a utility knife and a roll of duct tape turned the 12×14 piece into a 10×14 piece with a perfectly disguised seam partway through.

We also had to create a new sign, since I accidentally forgot our fabric sign at the workshop.  Black foam board, peel-and-stick foam sheets and some quick-thinking turned into a pretty nifty sign.

Here’s the result of our hard work:

I especially like the way our beautiful, expensive-looking carpet (don’t tell anyone how little I spent) contrasts with the black of the side railing and the cover I made for our fake mortuary cot:

And the $130 we spent on a closet organizer and a few extra shelves turned into a custom-looking tradeshow display, quite to my surprise:

Even better, when we returned for the opening of the show, our neighbors from Hilltop Computing were there, including Final Embrace reader Spencer Guilley!

The show ended at 8:00 pm and we’d already sold 6 covers with promises of several more orders tomorrow from guests who visited today.

Many of the expected funeral directors haven’t yet arrived (Monday was only the kick-off reception) and a large number of our visitors shared that the decision-makers from their firm would be arriving on Wednesday.

We’ll sleep late tomorrow, have a leisurely lunch and hit the convention at Noon for a 1:00 pm Expo opening.

Charlie Kanet, of Kanet Advertising, shares the website they’ve just created for a new client:

The site is nice enough (maybe too much like a blog template I can create for free), but it’s the theft replacement policy that intrigues me the most.

The concept is simple:  If someone steals your Eternal Light, they’ll replace it.

The execution is not so simple.  And by the time you finish reading the webpage that describes the policy, any goodwill you’ve felt toward a company that would offer such a guarantee has been sapped away by terms and conditions.

Here’s an example of the kind of soul-sapping, angry-sounding phrases in the policy:

ETERNAL LIGHT may request a Police Incident Report if multiple crosses are stolen in the same incident; and if it occurs repeatedly to the same ORIGINAL Consumer. This requirement is solely at the discretion of ETERNAL LIGHT, whose decision is final.

This THEFT REPLACEMENT OFFER is extended to Consumers ONLY.

The THEFT REPLACEMENT OFFER is not available to merchants, stores, shops, cemeteries, or Funeral industry establishments.

The THEFT REPLACEMENT OFFER is not an insurance policy of any kind, specifically, not aimed at replacing any ones inventory of any kind due to theft.

This THEFT REPLACEMENT OFFER may be withdrawn, or CONDITIONS modified, at any time at the sole discretion of ETERNAL LIGHT CROSS, whose decision is final.

In further detail, they describe the way to claim the replacement, a process which requires the original retail receipt (good luck finding that in your box of tax junk!), a return address (but no PO boxes!) and at least $18.90 to cover the replacement light and shipping.

I’m guessing that the Theft Replacement Offer came about this way:

Eternal Light Employee #1:  These things might be easy to steal.

Eternal Light Employee #2:  You’re right, maybe we should add a lock or something?

ELE #1:  Even better, let’s offer a replacement guarantee!

ELE #2:  Perfect.  Our customers will love that.  And they’ll see that we care about them!

ELE #1:  Yeah, but some people will just say their light was stolen to get a free one.

ELE #2:  We’ll just make it time-consuming and frustrating to get the replacement.

ELE #1:  Good thinking.  Let’s put lotsa absolute words like ‘final’ and ‘only’ in there so it discourages people from ever asking for the replacement.

Of course, that might be stretching it, but you get my point:  a Theft Replacement Offer is a nice idea, but only if it’s executed properly.

That means making it sound like a real benefit, rather than a punative arrangement.

While it might not be lawyer-speak, how about this on the site:

As providers of Eternal Lights to thousands of grieving families across the country, we know how important your loved one is to you and the heartbreak that can result when an Eternal Light is stolen.

That’s why we extend a Theft Replacement Offer.  Our goal is to lessen the pain caused by the theft and speed the replacement of your Eternal Light.

If your light is stolen, please contact us for replacement instructions.  As with similar programs, our Theft Replacement Offer has certain conditions and minimum requirements designed to prevent fraud. 

In keeping with smart business practices, we reserve the right to withdraw or modify this offer.

For a full description of the offer, please contact us at (xxx) xxx-xxxx.

Now isn’t that a lot better?  It doesn’t give up any rights but it also doesn’t say “If you try to redeem this offer we’ll make it really hard on you!” like the current stuff does.

Editor’s Note:  Charlie didn’t pay me to review this site (not that he’d have paid for this kinda review anyway!) and I don’t have anything against the folks at Eternal Light.  In fact, I love their designs and I think they’d do a lot better if they stopped telling everyone about their Theft Replacement and simply give instructions to get more information for those who are concerned about theft.

At a recent convention, I was reminded that people still prefer buying American products if they can help it.

That’s why I want to tell you that our quilted cot covers are…

All of our employees are Americans.  And while some of the component fabrics that we use are woven or produced in other countries, we buy them from American-owned wholesale suppliers and construct our entire product here in the United States.

The wonderful lady who cleans our facility is American and uses the money we pay her to feed her American kids.

Our company vehicle is an American-made General Motors vehicle. 

We’ve redesigned our site (just a little bit) to make sure people understand how important MADE IN THE USA is to us.

And we love selling to American funeral homes.  Oh, and a few Canadians every now and then.