What happens when a member of the Bali royal family dies? 

A couple hundred thousand people take time off of work and build huge funeral pyres, like the one seen below, and host a gigantic cremation service for 70 bodies.

Even more amazing is that this 90+ foot tall pyre is mobile!  The pyres were moved to the location by hand.  Along the way, the handlers twisted and spun the pyres to confuse the “spirits” in the bodies from knowing which direction was home.  That way, when the cremation set the “spirits” free from the bodies, they would have to move on to the afterlife rather than return home and, I guess, haunt their families.

Click here to read the full story (also here and here) and here to see some more amazing pictures.

Central embalming facilities (like those utilized by SCI or Stewart funeral home clusters) can really save a substantial amount of money by consolidating supplies, equipment and staff.

But they can also cost a lot of money, especially when an overworked or underpaid and inattentive staff-member mistakenly switches the ID tags on two bodies.

That’s what happened to an SCI firm in Stickney, Illinois, as detailed in this Chicago Tribune story.

SCI spokesperson, Jennifer Brandino, responded to the story, saying ”We continue to work with both families involved and are committed to resolving the issue to their satisfaction.”

When I worked for SCI, “resolving the issue to their satisfaction” usually meant paying money or refunding the cost of services.

It’s one of the pitfalls of running bigger operations where the person doing the embalming has never met the family or the deceased:  mistakes are made more often.

I wonder if the negative impact of this story can be dismissed because of all the money they saved by consolidating their embalming and preparation processes?

Editor’s Note:  This story is not an indictment of SCI or any other corporate firm.  If anything, I hope our corporate readers will consider that the way they’re consolidated brings different challenges than a smaller, family-run and family-sized operation.

For those of you who keep asking me “when will your book be ready?” stop asking already!

I know I’ve been promising the book for over a year now, but a recent invitation to speak at a funeral conference has finally pushed me toward the finish line.

I’m putting final touches on the manuscript, most of which has been taken from the pages of Final Embrace and our discussions on the blog.

But I’m stuck for a name!  The book will feature funeral home marketing and management advice (much like the blog does) but I want an amazing, arresting image for the cover.

So I’m offering two free copies of the book to the person who suggests the best title and a possible cover photo or image.  Don’t worry about crazy picture ideas:  I can find photos of just about anything.  I just need some pointers.

Wanna chance to win two free copies of my book, As Yet Untitled, when it arrives in early October?  Fire up those keyboards and leave me some suggestions in the comments.

Just for starters, I’m considering the title “Marketing and Management Advice for Funeral Directors” with a picture of one of those magnetic purple funeral flags on a white cover.

Anyone got something better?

I won’t go into crazy detail, because that’s available on stock sites like AOL Money & Finance, on news sites like KBDC and The Houston Chronicle.

But if you don’t want to read the full story, here’s the recap:  SCI offered to buy Stewart at a price of $9.50 a share.  One site estimated it at $1.3 billion for the whole company.

Stewart’s board of directors said “thanks, but no.”

I saw analysis from one Wall Street-type who claimed that a merger would benefit both companies because they’d save money on duplicated services.

That’s a fancy way of saying “If they merge, they’ll fire some middle managers.”

I think that the majority of funeral directors would see precious little difference.  Independent funeral directors, who make up 90% of the industry, will continue to serve their families the same way.

And it’s been my experience that even funeral homes from different corporations are similar in their operations.  In fact, the SCI and Stewart locations in my neck of the woods spent a few years swapping staff in a weird choreography of incentive packages and firings.

Regardless of whether SCI is successful in their bid, funeral service won’t change immensely.

But those funeral directors I know who currently work for Stewart and swore they’d never work for (or go back to) SCI will certainly feel the pinch if the merger goes through.

On a personal note, for the past several years, my experiences with both SCI and Stewart have left me with the impression that the local Stewart folks seem to know what they’re doing, while my friends at SCI are having a more difficult time.

Whether that feeling comes from amazing management at Stewart, poor management at SCI or something completely unrelated, I can’t tell.

On the plus side, Stewart’s stock got a nice bump from the news, before settling back down.

Those of you familiar with Wikipedia will know that the content and photos are provided by users and edited by other users.

Of course, if you don’t know that, you might assume that Wikipedia is the end-all resource for information about a given topic.

Which brings me to smoking crematory operators.

Why?

Because the in-depth Wikipedia entry regarding cremation features a guy who checks the body for remains and sweeps bone fragments into a processor, all with a cigarette in his mouth!

Image:Cremation1.jpg

How can we change this?  By becoming Wikipedia users and editing the entry.  In fact, I think a couple of dedicated funeral directors could clear up a lot of misinformation about funerals and cremation with some careful Wikipedia editing.

Thanks to our friends at Final Dog for the tip about this Wiki.

At the request of a reader, I’ve included a link to the PDF of FCA’s 2006 tax return, as provided by the online service, Guidestar.

2006 FCA Tax Return

As to the reader’s question, the return shows:

Program Costs:                  $  168,708.73 
Employee Compensation:  $  111,893.54
Payroll Taxes:                    $       7304.53

Which leaves $49,510.66 spent on all the rest of their work.

Of the less than $50,000 in operating costs, $28,256.41 was a loss on their tax return, as they did not generate enough income for the year to meet all their expenses.

During a recent Google-rampage (where I search for news stories and blogs about the industry) I found a disturbing story, passed off as news. 

Read the story here:  ‘Predatory’ Funeral Industry Comes Under Fire

The headline itself made me take notice.  It reads like a real news story.  I expected to find that some congressional hearing had been scheduled or a lawmaker is calling for a review of the industry.

Now, we all know that anytime a politician wants to score some cheap publicity or distract from something else he/she has done wrong, aides pull out the list of industries that people don’t understand and start making crazy allegations.

But this ‘article’ is even worse, as it’s nothing more than fluff designed to look like an actual story.

From the Newser article:

The funeral industry preys on bereft customers, artificially raising prices and taking custody of bodies it has no right to handle, argues a watchdog group. The Funeral Consumers Alliance aims to push fair and environmentally friendly death-care practices, Newsweek reports. “Funeral corporations use predatory sales tactics and aggressive marketing to get people to spend on services they don’t need,” says the group’s director.

By invoking “Newsweek,” the article aims to sell it’s own validity.  The writer relies upon quotes and arguments from the “group’s director” without ever naming the director.  Even worse, the writer uses an old tactic:  stating a premise early (”preys on beret customers…”) while waiting until the end of a long indictment to offset it with a qualifier (”argues a watchdog group”).

Here’s the response I posted in the comment section of the story:

The alliance director (Joshua Slocum, though he is not named in the article) says “I want people to be shocked.”  

Maybe that’s because his organization’s 2006 tax return shows a $28,000+ loss and almost $120,000 in salaries/benefits paid to employees and officers.  

The same scrutiny applied to hardworking funeral directors should also be trained on a group that exists to create jobs for people who stir up public fear in order to generate more donations and membership fees, which then pay for higher salaries for the people who stir up public fear in order to keep the cycle going.  

The truth of the funeral industry is that while scarcely more than 10% of the funeral homes are owned by public companies (which are owned by stockholders), the vast majority of funeral homes are local companies run by people who get up at 2-in-the-morning to serve their neighbors during difficult times.  

Funeral directors aren’t nameless, faceless millionaires cackling while counting all the money made from your loved one’s death. They are the men and women who help you plan your loved one’s funeral. They’re the ones who answer the phone at midnight and miss their kids’ piano recitals to serve your family in a time of need.  

Of course, you should never pay more than you’re willing to spend for services, but that’s why there’s competition in the marketplace.  

Let’s stop pretending that Mr. Slocum has a monopoly on “righteousness” and “concern for the public.” His livelihood depends just as much on people having bad funeral experiences as a local funeral director’s livelihood depends upon good experiences.

Most of us read stories like this and shake our heads, hoping that the general public doesn’t fall for these trumped up reports.  I think that we’re being just a little bit foolish.  Mr. Slocum has nothing better to do with his time than stir up more unwarranted concern and fear, in an attempt to garner more memberships, sell more books (over 5300 publications sold in 2006) and solicit more donations which pay his salary.

The general public needs to know that there are tens of thousands of local, family-owned funeral homes that work hard every day (and night) to see to every detail at their time of need.  And the employees, managers and officers of just over 2000 corporately-owned firms are providing similar services.

The employees of the Funeral Consumer’s Alliance rely upon donations from scared individuals to pay their bills.  Funeral professionals rely upon satisfied and comforted neighbors to keep their families fed. 

One group peddles fear and scare tactics.  The other offers hope, comfort and peace-of-mind.

Which is more noble?

Here’s the link to the longer Newsweek story that quotes Mr. Slocum, with attribution:  A Serious Undertaking

eCoffins display at the 2007 NFDA Convention

Lots of talk in the media about “going green” and the ways that companies can reach out to the “green” market.

But what does it mean?

Yes, offering ECoffins is one good idea, and making sure that cremation is an alternative for your clients is another, but what happens when you don’t make sure that everything is green?  Here’s an example from the blog, Long Live the Village Green by W.S. Duke:

In this case, a cremation was decided upon, thus avoiding the toxic chemicals and the waste of resources that go into caskets. When I went to the funeral home to pick up the cremated remains, they were given to me in a large plastic container. Naturally, I was in no mood to object. I guess I was expecting a cardboard box, which would have been something much more environmentally friendly to put in the ground.

I’d suggest that any attempt to offer “Green services” be proceeded by a green evaluation by an expert.  How can you find a “green expert” or a guide to help you do it yourself?  Check out these resources:

EWS Green Business Consultants

Dori Merifield, Green Business Consultant

Joel Makower, Green Business Consultant

Green Home Guide

Green Business Guide from the U.S. Government

Green People (guide to green-friendly businesses and products)

Greening Your Business by the National Resources Defense Council

Greening Your Business:  A Primer for Small Companies by Greenbiz.com

50 Ways to Green Your Business by Fast Company

Everyone strives to be “remarkable,” since it means press coverage and sales to early adopters.

It’s not different in the funeral industry.  Here’s a story about the first “pet funeral home” in SW Florida, from WINK News:

First Funeral Home For Pets Opens in SWFL

If you’re thinking about expanding into the pet market, but haven’t yet, I have just one question:  Why are you waiting?

Nervous about the return on your investment?  Waiting to see who else will enter the market?  Afraid to pull the trigger unless it’s a sure thing?

If pet funeral services are going to take off, waiting until there are two or three others in your market means sacrificing any “bump” you might get from free publicity and word of mouth advertising.

In fact, I think that waiting for someone else to open in your town means you’ll never open, because the market for pet funeral services, in my opinion, won’t be as big as the market for human burials/cremations.

Want to read some “fascinating” conversation about blogging and the future of technology in funeral service, with interview excerts from me, Robin Heppell, B.T. Hathaway and more?

Of course you do!

Just pick up the latest issue of American Funeral Director.

The article, written by editor Thomas A. Parmalee, focuses on funeral home blogs, like the one written by Brian Hanner of Geib Funeral Home, and how they can help you interact with your public.

There’s also some great stuff in there from Funeral Futurist Robin Heppell, of Heppell Funeral Solutions. 

So check it out!

AFD is published by Kates-Boylston.  In the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you that Mr. Parmalee contacted me to send a copy of this month’s magazine and let me know that they’ll be publishing one of my articles in their next issue.