What happens when a member of the Bali royal family dies? 

A couple hundred thousand people take time off of work and build huge funeral pyres, like the one seen below, and host a gigantic cremation service for 70 bodies.

Even more amazing is that this 90+ foot tall pyre is mobile!  The pyres were moved to the location by hand.  Along the way, the handlers twisted and spun the pyres to confuse the “spirits” in the bodies from knowing which direction was home.  That way, when the cremation set the “spirits” free from the bodies, they would have to move on to the afterlife rather than return home and, I guess, haunt their families.

Click here to read the full story (also here and here) and here to see some more amazing pictures.

Central embalming facilities (like those utilized by SCI or Stewart funeral home clusters) can really save a substantial amount of money by consolidating supplies, equipment and staff.

But they can also cost a lot of money, especially when an overworked or underpaid and inattentive staff-member mistakenly switches the ID tags on two bodies.

That’s what happened to an SCI firm in Stickney, Illinois, as detailed in this Chicago Tribune story.

SCI spokesperson, Jennifer Brandino, responded to the story, saying ”We continue to work with both families involved and are committed to resolving the issue to their satisfaction.”

When I worked for SCI, “resolving the issue to their satisfaction” usually meant paying money or refunding the cost of services.

It’s one of the pitfalls of running bigger operations where the person doing the embalming has never met the family or the deceased:  mistakes are made more often.

I wonder if the negative impact of this story can be dismissed because of all the money they saved by consolidating their embalming and preparation processes?

Editor’s Note:  This story is not an indictment of SCI or any other corporate firm.  If anything, I hope our corporate readers will consider that the way they’re consolidated brings different challenges than a smaller, family-run and family-sized operation.

Here’s a little thing I quickly mocked up:

It uses a title modified from a suggestion by Michelle Carter.

Of course, this is just a preliminary.  I’ll take some better pictures of the magnetic funeral flag if I choose this idea for the cover.

Any comments on this title or the design?  The title is just a placeholder - I haven’t decided which one I want to use or if we’ve even heard the one I want to use yet.

An unidentified reader has just donated $50 to our cause!  Needless to say, he’ll be getting a signed copy of my book when it arrives in October.

While I won’t identify him, as he offered his donation to thank me for discussing FCA’s meddling in the funeral industry, I offer him a big huge THANK YOU!

Want to donate?  Click on the tab in the right column on the blog.  Of course, donations are voluntary and their details will not be shared with other readers.

Unless you want us to.  Then, drop me a line and I’ll talk you up on these pages.

For those of you who keep asking me “when will your book be ready?” stop asking already!

I know I’ve been promising the book for over a year now, but a recent invitation to speak at a funeral conference has finally pushed me toward the finish line.

I’m putting final touches on the manuscript, most of which has been taken from the pages of Final Embrace and our discussions on the blog.

But I’m stuck for a name!  The book will feature funeral home marketing and management advice (much like the blog does) but I want an amazing, arresting image for the cover.

So I’m offering two free copies of the book to the person who suggests the best title and a possible cover photo or image.  Don’t worry about crazy picture ideas:  I can find photos of just about anything.  I just need some pointers.

Wanna chance to win two free copies of my book, As Yet Untitled, when it arrives in early October?  Fire up those keyboards and leave me some suggestions in the comments.

Just for starters, I’m considering the title “Marketing and Management Advice for Funeral Directors” with a picture of one of those magnetic purple funeral flags on a white cover.

Anyone got something better?

I won’t go into crazy detail, because that’s available on stock sites like AOL Money & Finance, on news sites like KBDC and The Houston Chronicle.

But if you don’t want to read the full story, here’s the recap:  SCI offered to buy Stewart at a price of $9.50 a share.  One site estimated it at $1.3 billion for the whole company.

Stewart’s board of directors said “thanks, but no.”

I saw analysis from one Wall Street-type who claimed that a merger would benefit both companies because they’d save money on duplicated services.

That’s a fancy way of saying “If they merge, they’ll fire some middle managers.”

I think that the majority of funeral directors would see precious little difference.  Independent funeral directors, who make up 90% of the industry, will continue to serve their families the same way.

And it’s been my experience that even funeral homes from different corporations are similar in their operations.  In fact, the SCI and Stewart locations in my neck of the woods spent a few years swapping staff in a weird choreography of incentive packages and firings.

Regardless of whether SCI is successful in their bid, funeral service won’t change immensely.

But those funeral directors I know who currently work for Stewart and swore they’d never work for (or go back to) SCI will certainly feel the pinch if the merger goes through.

On a personal note, for the past several years, my experiences with both SCI and Stewart have left me with the impression that the local Stewart folks seem to know what they’re doing, while my friends at SCI are having a more difficult time.

Whether that feeling comes from amazing management at Stewart, poor management at SCI or something completely unrelated, I can’t tell.

On the plus side, Stewart’s stock got a nice bump from the news, before settling back down.

I had a very pleasant comment from Robert about our recent discussions of FCA and their finances.

In fact, he was so happy that we’re talking about FCA and questioning their function that he wants to send us a donation.

So here’s a link so you can donate by PayPal or a credit card.

We’re also adding this link to our sidebar (that list on the right that shows a whole bunch of useful info) so that you can donate anytime.

Why accept donations?  Because I offer this blog free of charge.  We occasionally have sponsors, like our friends at Hilltop Computing, but the $25 a week we charge for sponsorship does little more than pay for the URL and other site support.

Do you have to donate to read?  Of course NOT!  Everyone who writes for Final Embrace does it for the good of the industry.  We don’t require restitution for this work.

Of course, if you choose to donate something, we’ll gladly accept it.  We’re not martyrs!

There is a growing push in the funeral industry to create websites for firms, no matter their size.

And while this trend is being fueled by website companies large and small (including our current sponsors, Hilltop.net) there are a few things you need to remember when starting or re-designing a website:

Remember who will use it.  A website is not a vanity site to make you feel better about yourself.  Potential clients and their friends will be using it.

Put the most important information on the front page.  Don’t “bury” the important stuff in three layers of webdesign.  People don’t want to search and, if they can’t find the info, they’ll go somewhere else.

Provide answers to frequent questions.  The best part of a website is that it can stop some of the repetitive phone calls asking about your location, your office hours, how to get a death certificate.

Keep the person being memorialized in mind.  Your website is not, actually, about you; it’s about the person who has passed away.  Make sure you “Obituary” link is easily recognizable.  And make sure you list current services with dates and times on the front page or just one page away.  I’m guessing that 50% or more of your visitors are there to find out when “Aunt Jane’s” funeral will be held.

Sell flowers.  Since many of your visitors are there for a specific service, make sure you have a link to your local florist or one of the big delivery services that can pay you a commission.  Funeral homes like Anderson-McQueen and Baldwin-Fairchild have flowers for sale right on their front pages.

Put your contact information everywhere.  Some people will “Google” your name simply to find a phone number.  Make sure your phone number is on every page and is noticeable.

And while I’ve discussed these very issues with Spencer and Ryan from Hilltop, this article was not written with their immediate input.  Still, if you need a website, you could do worse than to visit our sponsor.

My second phone call from Lawyer/CPA Bob was really just an “Aha!” message saying he would accept the bet I offered in the post, An FCA Affiliate Speaks Up.

Except my exact quote was “I’d be willing to bet…” which, in simple English, means “I would be willing…with certain conditions.”

Here’s what I actually wrote:

I’d be willing to bet my salary and Mr. Slocum’s almost $50,000 salary  that Lawyer/CPA Bob doesn’t get out of bed at 2 AM for anything close to what the average funeral director makes.

In fact, the phrase “I’d be willing to bet” or “I’d bet” are common figures of speech or colloquialisms and are understood by most English speakers to be non-literal exaggerations.

Do we believe that a teenager who says “If I have to get braces I’ll die!” is actually afraid they will kill her?

Or that a man who proclaims a new device as “the best thing since sliced bread” is serious about the implications to society of the new gadget?

Should Lawyer/CPA Bob claim that I made an actual bet, I’d point out that the bet is difficult to distinguish.  Is he claiming that he does get out of bed at 2:00 AM for a sum close to what the average funeral director makes?

If so, we’ll have to figure out what the average funeral director makes.  Then we have to see how close Lawyer/CPA Bob’s salary is to the amount.

Of course, “close” is relative.  How will we determine if the amounts are “close?”  Is there an international designation for the specific amount the term implies?

And would Lawyer/CPA Bob have to prove that he actually gets up at 2:00 AM on a regular basis (at least as often as the typical funeral director does) or would proof of a few late nights a month be good enough for a court of law?

And who enforces bets?  Are we in Las Vegas, Reno or Atlantic City? 

I’d be interested in hearing some legal opinion on how a rhetorical comment in a editorial could be construed as an actual bet.

I’d almost bet… oops, can’t say that.  I’m fairly certain (in a non-threatening, editorial way) that I’ve got some protection under the First Amendment.  I also believe that I have not threatened or libeled Mr. Slocum, Ms. Bennett or Lawyer/CPA Bob in any way.

Mr. Slocum responded with well-reasoned emails and an invitation to call him if I wanted to talk more about his company.  Ms. Bennett offered her opinion and asked me “Since when is that wrong?”  I offered my opinion back to her in the post, An FCA Affiliate Speaks Up.

Now Lawyer/CPA Bob decides that mildly-harrassing phone calls, placed from a “restricted” number, are appropriate to the conversation.  He’s clearly calling for personal reasons, as he won’t reveal his last name or contact information.

He’s wrong.  Frankly, the only reason I can imagine that he would make such calls and vague quasi-threats is that it gives him some pleasure to intimidate others.

I am not intimidated, but  I understand his initial viewpoint:  he likes Mr. Slocum.

I’ll grant that many people may like Mr. Slocum.  Heck, after a conversation, I might like Mr. Slocum. 

But Lawyer/CPA Bob decided to sink to harrassment, while my main complaint remains the same:  FCA’s primary public interaction (with non-members - the vast majority of Americans) is fear-based.  FCA is best served when they get stories placed in news sources that scare the public into signing up for memberships or buying publications.

When 70% of your annual expenses pay employee-related costs (salaries, benefits, payroll taxes, etc.) the main purpose of your organization is to fund employees.

Are the employees still doing the work of the organization?  Gosh, I hope so.  Otherwise, they’d just be stealing from their members.

I’m sure that Mr. Slocum and others within local FCA’s believe they are doing important work.  Unfortunately, they equate choosing a funeral home based upon price as the most intelligent and savvy move.

They reinforce this by falsely accusing the majority of funeral directors of being greedy or crooks.

I disagree with that remark and I encourage all funeral directors to educate your community.

If you don’t, FCA will.  And Clearly, based upon FCA’s tax returns, it pays to do so.

At the request of another reader, here is the information I was able to glean from People’s Memorial Assocation’s 2006 tax return, obtained from Guidestar and attached here:  peoples-memorial

$ 282,516   total expenses for 2006
$ 108,822   employee expense (salary, retirement, benefits, payroll taxes, etc.)
$173,694  to spend on program expenses

$ 282,516  total expenses for 2006
$ 208,099  revenue
$ 74,417  loss for the year

$ 20,417  dues paid to the national FCA (Mr. Slocum’s group)

How do they compare with the national FCA for the same time period?

PEOPLE’S MEMORIAL ASSOCIATION
38.5% of total expenses spent on employee salary/benefits/taxes
52.1% of revenue spent on employee salary/benefits/taxes

NATIONAL FUNERAL CONSUMERS ALLIANCE 
70.6% of total expenses spent on employee salary/benefits/taxes
84.9% of revenue spent on employee salary/benefits/taxes

 How about comparing them to the Red Cross?  Here’s their 2006 tax return:  red-cross

AMERICAN RED CROSS
30.5% of total expenses spent on employee salary/benefits/taxes
28.5% of revenue spent on employee salary/benefits/taxes